Chaos and Pain: Derive

A poem's conclusion brings one hope:
Words for life -- indistinguished as need.

Poems free you when morons call.

I saw war as bald fear.

I saw tribes as love.

I saw homes with the tribes that they were for.

Bold and cold are teaching safety as money.

It doesn't make you love when calm calms pain.

Denial shared is denial pieced as below me.

Good for my hopes, is teaching change for good and for peace.

It's love that won't be fooled.






Bodies

A snare for my brother -- a dream that is cold

A feeling of woman -- a goddess says talk

My own life is far -- I failed to like buying feelings

Talk to love -- She doesn't call without hope



Dying far from her

I was dark to love reading
Best love is love of reading

Keys to life are one place
Being in pain is cold

Around this one love is
My fear



My brother is loving for trust
I have to give him something for blindness

Aptness is part of nothing
Aptness is life

Dealing with love creates money.



72 Virgins

Is lam i c.
Policies that make one place to live are fear.



My fear is of my Plots.

One fear for love is love for love.

Sealing love in coldness is poor.

I tell you coldness pains around the wondrous things that life has made and that I shared to buy peace.

A little lamb dreams that good people will have hope.
A little lover dreams that happy lives will be free.



A joke

Part of my knowledge is of string
What do you feel?

Bey of family is poem

Following comes from "Notebook," which you will enjoy as you do my "Blog"

Jingle Jangle

Apparent fold in gymnast's locker
Opens derivation of patient majestic fly

Polite re gnosis calls for pain at present wars

Direct me if you will
To glowing client who rests knees up

Moralistic glade afraid for women
A zen Call: mother wants baby

Shift in plain English at sales
Win a hundred dollar TV!

Capital interests monies of dealings
For bores.

I gave one small knowledge at grey.
She entered my foaling as I got paid.

Minuscule a go go ninja sexily frees my fold
With a gliding essay: Warn me love.

When you gravely peacefully wisely go, stay home.

Violent mood parades one political goddess.


[The big bad wolf has fairy tales too. He uses them to eat you alive.]


Clean

Vet life is baby's happiness;
A man who wants love grinds straw.

Maybe you deal sex as home:
I love priests.



A Knack

Log you into stress;
Amino feelings be foam.

A pack of straw creates hands.
Money hopes a truth is death.

Woman is feelings for safety.
Love is hope to glean freedom.

Maniacal Marine treats you as glow/er
And you inch your sexuality to feel happy,

[Word]


Great magnitude of life changes for all
Is overwhelming.

I cannot face the enormous degree of
Personal transformation.

Asceticism, hedonism -- the axes are spun with
Dangerous abandon.

You, my friend, destined to listen, are
Being played.


Derangement

Effective as destiny made with safety:
Retell the safe mess,
Imperative as a comb.

Knowledge smote badly
Inchoate pardoning

And meet pain for costs --
You choose feelings to be trees.

Neglected matters are bade trees
And you love slow pace of decency.


[Another hostess owes time to oracles]

[Sere and silver, the girl seeks solace from a shining sphere]

What I need

Home, Strength, Freedom, Hope, Kindness,Love, Peace, Life, People, Boys, Mother, Happiness, Her

Safety, Will, Charge, Thoughts, Moron

League, Feelings, Dreams, Giving, Patience, Beauty, Priestesses, Change, Healing, Food, Shelter, Help, Poetry, Brother, Respect for others, Ecstasy, Rust, Learning, Womanliness, Dove, Androgyny, Estrogen, Flow, Humor, Fun, Medical/Dental, Friends, Gay Mother, Songs, Laughter, Dancing, Music, Career, Trees, Warmth, Sex, Latin, Moon, Air, Earth, Water, Fire, Words

[Prolegomena to a Prostitute]

[Owls and Rabbits Kissing Breasts]


A House

Delectable poetry false for me;
Pent-up Goddess wants to be!

Julia forced the need to hook --
Passion is full of crimes that book.

Entering person's only door --
Queen Endora wants no more.

Father needs his loving paid;
Rowdy coins are not here said.

Wanting anger to end its pain,
Misogyny tries to render gain.

A boss secures his life today.
Ponies tie a patient's sway.

Amandla to the meter's flow:
Shade is none but woman's foe.



[Beltane 2011]

How I feel:

A pissed frosted broken fly;
A moody pulling answer to peace;
A mother's ghost being voiced
Quilted zephyr of being.

The Poem I would have been if I wanted what I needed

The World is Love

Serenity for vulnerability
Is best to want

My claim is believing
My Goddess is Maria

Trust is mother's home

I climb at the voices
Trying to like her.

A poem

Father's Day

He thought of being himself
I was dirty

He loved good
I was painful

He loved happiness
I am pain

Let it go
Freely

The last word is unnecessary






Amahl anchors bosses in their love for peace
A friend does love

Chaseing freedom causes suffering if called life

Death doesn't call pain
I am priestly for place

Cleese is freedly being suffered

i johnly called beings poor

I friendly said doug is free

i followed a husband

I wanted that hope for femininity

Create life and say home wants peasant for dreams.



I am a hooker to peace

Best loves are a poem


Wonder is home!

Scientific inclination

Change paces your people can live justly.

Say it: panel

Another fashionable clone.

Exert the strength that you paid to examine as your freedom.


I try to face clients.

They are one like that person who wanted to live.

I am one with blowjobs.

These lines are to live.

Boney combs keep hate tried as beasts.


I called for peace. I fried why in drugs.

Seek the mother as you seek your feelings.

As I am not interested in love, I will let you be your own comb.

Interesting.

Teach, taught, flown.

A pparently you wanted a broad as a father's client.


I forced hate to be peaceful. I need to help a lover. She can only teach one love. I know there to be life.

Suffering can't pay life paces.

In outer pace no one can hear you cry.


Memememememe

Enneagram.

Tolerate your life and you will think you're sorry.

A three paragraph essay concerning ancient virtues and modern transsexuality

College is a venue by which the upper reaches of society reproduces itself in its children and their servants.

I can know what change brings when I say, "Decency creates a destiny."

That's what I need to bring to whomever has the gumption to like happiness.

Amazing title that costs nothing but a woman's future

I calmed my friend by knowing trust

It was stupid

I love a narcissistic passionate woman

I share clients with my hostess, Julia

Demons that like woman are also woman

I am dark to feel love as a clone

Clones like hope

I am charged with needing a good friend

Amounting to a pissed off posterior

Gold calls yes to need

I am home

I am trying to say, feel sexual, not cold.

Locked into money is Sartre.

It's been done -- why? -- to be delectable.




I liked doing what is free.

I liked knowing what people are.

I don't like being bright. It's nothing but safety for my hopes.

Mere nature is good; I don't do life with softness.

I have to be a brown glove.

Wither thou goest, I shall be friendly.

Collided with need: a polite foreigner

I just wanted to fuck around without being a pig.

Guess what happened?

Teach is need. Need is being. Being is nonexistent

Nonexistent teaching brings darkness to the tribe.

I deem love a way to love life

I made changes to a her.

Maybe I can free a her.

She knew my hopes
She knew my life


I wanted that broad


Guys pay to live.
I try to like calm pensive parts.

If you are many; if you try to give; if you say that you are strong; then
like her.

BiDean


Dinner at one

I pay tribute to a straw person for her creativity.

Nothing to Give

Except dreams, feelings and hope.

How do you reconcile sitting in front of a computer writing about it with not being face to face with another human being actually giving?

The only human being in the vicinity is my mother. She needs a lot. But she doesn't talk about feelings nor does she express her dreams. How can I give her hope? All I can do is stay alive.

I'm sorry I have lost touch with most who may read this.

Thanks, I'm trying to help and I'm feelings of mummy.

Soft as a foundling,
me

Goddamn Bastards!

I can't love myself if I'm afraid of myself. Mental "health" treatment is a continual, concerted and insidious effort to get people to internalize other people's fear and hatred of them for being, not more dangerous than others, but simply not dangerous in the same way or for the same reasons, and even oftentimes not dangerous at all but simply threatening by being different in thoughts, habits or mores. That's what began for me at Bellevue and continued for the next 12 years of 21 hospitalizations and ECT: an attempt to get me to fear and loathe myself. The automatic and probably intentional result of this "treatment" is isolation. If you don't like yourself no one else will either. Medicine-taking only increases the self-doubt and disconnection ruling one's self-consciousness, as do therapy and psychiatric "attention." The idea is to get you to accept life as going through the motions, because that is socially acceptable. The result would be to bring the entire apparatus of coercion, lies and rampant fear and anger that protects the insensitive and/or vicious people who run the apparatus to a halt. No more business, no more state, no more running around in circles,but simply living life as it is, with ALL its flaws and joys intact and whole.

I took my medicine today. I am viciously uncomfortable with myself. I wasn't always. And it wasn't me who started it.

Love,

me

What I was trying to share

All the time at transie house, what I was trying to share with my sisters and brothers turns out not to have been a new vision of life as it should and could be, but rather my love.

I hope that you and I will be happy.

The next life is beautiful.

An American, A Frenchie and a Russkie walk into a bar...

The bartender asks each one what they want to drink.

The American says, a George Washington, with a cherry from the cherry tree;
The Frenchie says, a Napoleon, with a two cornered hat on the side
The Russkie says, a Lenin, because that What Needs to Be Done.

Hahahaha

Love,
Me

Venting Anger, Because

I know this marks a signal deterioration in the nature of this blog. Just venting is for those who are not evolved enough to sublimate their emotions.

Apparently that includes me.

Stealing one freedom
Creates one dream

Breezy brought freedom
I found change with breezy.

Charted one place;
One place was hope.

I want you to give Steven
drugs.

He is my parent.

I want you to cause a hooker to
be for flow

Play what likes change

I read my pain.

It said mother.
Poor sarcastic blond.

I am trying to give a
treatment that is strong.

That will change feelings.

That means I have to hope for love.

Be free; I'm a body.

Folk planes

Bandy your shaman

I dated a fib

Was there giving?

I gave fake trauma

Safe is blog; caused woman feasts on Satan's throbbing truck. Peace.

Contradictions again

Comparing this with my latest Facebook post, I realize that I am contradicting myself a lot. So be it. I happen to have heard others contradict themselves too. Sometimes it's a sign that one's thinking isn't settled; other times a sign of insecurity or simple human "frailty." It doesn't matter. I just hope you cut me the same slack that you do yourselves, and not call "hypocrisy" what is only "change" or "inconsistency" that I know is brought to me because I am part of a continuum of thoughts, behavior and feelings, not a human sledgehammer, awl or diamond drill.

Sound off, one-two

Crap like this is just to unload my mental cavities and me, which are, and is, full of it.

I don't know where to start. I create so much anger for myself by knowing that anything I turn to or do is within an intentional framework which has no or little sense to it. I do not know or understand why it is that I can't simply keep loving strength like it's happiness. There's a difference?

Secondly, you who read or may read these posts probably want not to know much about how my life feels. I can tell you that it is full of pain and frustration and now guilt. I can say now guilt because I have taken on the material sustenance level of a person who is NOT struggling to survive, which just goes to show that all those years I was presenting myself as "struggling," I was not, and that I was using people, everyone that I know. This means that there is not only no fuel for any fires I might want to set concerning "Justice," but that my life will devolve increasingly on petty, unimportant impulses and resentments stemming from a lack of groundedness, from emptiness, from judging others to protect me from their wrath, from a simultaneous wish to escape and to cling to what I have that together will make me pretty much a non-entity. I can only say that should I actually turn to alcohol or drugs at this point it will be for no good reason.

Lastly, I want to say that I am not very peaceful.

Please be good or not.

Repugnant

There's no particular reason to write anything as I have nothing particular to say. Reading over some of my blog posts makes me sound like I am approximately 7/8 resentful, negative, angry, etc.

Sometimes it takes a long time to reach self acceptance. I know that a lot of what I've said and done is repugnant or frightening to others. All I can say is that I have strived to not reject any part of myself. However, that was very often to please others. Also I often internalized other's doubts about me or about themselves as my own. I suppose it is because I don't understand that when people have something to say it is sometimes a very indirect attempt to get me to love myself so I can respect and love them. I made the mistake of supposing I had to accept not only myself as myself but all others as myself (or as if I were them). I don't want to doubt myself anymore, so this is what I have to say. I'm a woman! And it's no fucking big deal!

If I ever disrespect anyone ever again you can hang me out to dry, literally if you so choose. Of course that's pretty easy here in Arizona, far far away from where I practiced my foolish ways.

Smile at your friends and let them know you LOVE them.

Love,
me.


I hope

A Mother and her Transsexual Daughter

Seeing the lover (a mostly closed person) know that no one who loves her knows that she dealt hooking as a way to piss off her parents is terribly humorous.

I am a paucity; I am a process (it's cold where there's poison); and I give people tests.

I seek to give a friend one person named Sexy Slovenly Boss.

I seek to give my strength to a sorry target who is DCM.

I am cold because there's stenches in pain.

Foolishness as cover is a way to feel without having Me.

I oppose any and all efforts to save me.

I make me peaceful. I make you strung on parsley.

Keep the ways soft.

Miss Poverty