Passion drives me to will
A land for faerie folk to fill
Misery departs from the soil here
Truest delight is loving dear
Walk to the bank of a flowing stream
Talk in the shade of a flowering dream
Bask in the light where the sky does shine
Listen to the birds chirp and the the tipping of wine
As your life treats your sisters and brothers
Friendship brightens or dims and smothers
Tell yourself how to be fresh and free
as a bee flying to an apple tree
Whatever silly rhymes propose
You know that your love is a beautiful rose
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
A passage toward gladness about life
Brethren and Sisters,
I feel like a little strange.
I've tried to hope.
I've loved and I've feared.
I know that I was wrong when I realized at some time that feelings are channging and patient.
I'm the one who must be patient.
A strong happy and caring life needs someone who likes the way love is made by that life.
I know few people who do like the way I bring love into the world.
I can only believe that over time that will change.
As you know, shame makes terrible and painful realities in the lives of many.
I only know that if I am without such feeellings, there will be a lot of seeing of life in a clear and some might say "illuminated" fashion as well as a little joy.
As you change, let someone answer your call.
I need to love.
Moments of understanding are infrequent.
There must be some life where pain does not make change scarcely attainable.
People think that there is only a little happiness. I wonder. I say that people know what they are to themselves and that is all the caring, passion and foundation for human existence that one can expect or ask for.
If you need me to give something, I say maybe it's okay to understand what beauty is good for. There's no interesting sense of change that reposes in my awareness besides a kind of feeling that maybe change can help.
A friend has made me know that I can do much. I will keep you apprised.
Love, "c*"
I feel like a little strange.
I've tried to hope.
I've loved and I've feared.
I know that I was wrong when I realized at some time that feelings are channging and patient.
I'm the one who must be patient.
A strong happy and caring life needs someone who likes the way love is made by that life.
I know few people who do like the way I bring love into the world.
I can only believe that over time that will change.
As you know, shame makes terrible and painful realities in the lives of many.
I only know that if I am without such feeellings, there will be a lot of seeing of life in a clear and some might say "illuminated" fashion as well as a little joy.
As you change, let someone answer your call.
I need to love.
Moments of understanding are infrequent.
There must be some life where pain does not make change scarcely attainable.
People think that there is only a little happiness. I wonder. I say that people know what they are to themselves and that is all the caring, passion and foundation for human existence that one can expect or ask for.
If you need me to give something, I say maybe it's okay to understand what beauty is good for. There's no interesting sense of change that reposes in my awareness besides a kind of feeling that maybe change can help.
A friend has made me know that I can do much. I will keep you apprised.
Love, "c*"
Comments upon lies (May fun is Julia's broccoli)
Why is it that it is with a mixture of contempt and envy that I regard others?
As I know, a way to share love (note that this locution "share love" connotes not directing love at one another but sharing, basking in the love that is all around and within) is to feel strongly that beauty can help.
I am interested myself in knowing why I am writing this.
I know that I can listen.
I want to be true to myself.
Am I one? Am I a crazy woman? Do you think there's a lot of nastiness that I wanted to sexualize?
Ask me a question.
I screwed my lovers.
Stop hoarding, Julia
A war that risks change is slow.
I read to authenticate my mother.
Useless endeavor (and hurtful)
Papers lack teaking (gothic men who are charged with patience).
So, a little bit of help is made a mess.
I'm the little bit of help.
And now for heifer.
Dark crying feelings
Sad patient mother
Foul God change
Actor of strength
Mack in
Begin a little share:
Cock park float
Tree Man Charm
i can leet you know that foreigner fails
and I'm people.
I change like farced
failure
I crack like main
part in
Say it:
Crack is men who want flow.
I am changing so love is sexy.
Please help.
Wither the card?
Boys flew like men
I can let you feel.
I can be naked but I can't change carton.
Rush here and caress my tensed torso.
Cackle, Mother changed.
Brought here by pain
Talked, faced, arose.
Arrogance stems from loving change, not Goddess.
I change for life.
Maybe there'll be good.
As I know, a way to share love (note that this locution "share love" connotes not directing love at one another but sharing, basking in the love that is all around and within) is to feel strongly that beauty can help.
I am interested myself in knowing why I am writing this.
I know that I can listen.
I want to be true to myself.
Am I one? Am I a crazy woman? Do you think there's a lot of nastiness that I wanted to sexualize?
Ask me a question.
I screwed my lovers.
Stop hoarding, Julia
A war that risks change is slow.
I read to authenticate my mother.
Useless endeavor (and hurtful)
Papers lack teaking (gothic men who are charged with patience).
So, a little bit of help is made a mess.
I'm the little bit of help.
And now for heifer.
Dark crying feelings
Sad patient mother
Foul God change
Actor of strength
Mack in
Begin a little share:
Cock park float
Tree Man Charm
i can leet you know that foreigner fails
and I'm people.
I change like farced
failure
I crack like main
part in
Say it:
Crack is men who want flow.
I am changing so love is sexy.
Please help.
Wither the card?
Boys flew like men
I can let you feel.
I can be naked but I can't change carton.
Rush here and caress my tensed torso.
Cackle, Mother changed.
Brought here by pain
Talked, faced, arose.
Arrogance stems from loving change, not Goddess.
I change for life.
Maybe there'll be good.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Where am I?
I'm sitting in my former bedroom which became my father's TV/computer "den" when I left and apparently was never coming back in the manner in which my parents expected me, which was, I believe, "ready to begin real life."
Now I sleep here on the two-seater couch because this is where my laptop has its attachment to the cable and so it is here I can go to sleep to music.
I am listening to Brazilian jazz on AOL radio.
This morning I wrote a long note to a friend of mine of the '80s whom I recently contacted through facebook. He wanted to know what "moves me" since I had said I'm heartily tired of politics. I started writing about anger, fear, hatred, etc., etc. Then I concluded by saying it was better than I thought. He hasn't e-mailed me back yet.
In response to President Obama's support for the ground zero mosque, I at first danced around the issue and then came down on the side of my asking my mother why is it i feel the way I do. She said she didn't know. I told her I would "figure it out." She said I'd better do it soon.
I feel better now, having had a shower.
I've been reading Emerson. The man is brilliant and provocative and spiritual, but very very oriented toward the intellect and the life of the world being reflective of the presence of God. He rejects paganism EXCEPT in comparison to Christianity that degrades itself into obeisance before the life of Christ instead of seeing God within oneself. I find this a very interesting challenge to my beliefs, and it's driving me to go around in circles as I usually do when I read anything of the sort. Maybe I simply ought to stop reading?
Historically speaking, it just goes to show that the "new" ideas of today only seem new because of the orthodox suppressing or discouraging access to these ideas. People are hungry for something different and they are beginning to find it. This seems to me to be more profound than yearnings for social justice without spiritual roots. I believe therre are such roots, but they hardly ever emerge in an explicit fashion.
I used to believe that African polytheism was a fascinating possible answer to my own individual needs. I now know that I have to respect both myself and others by not absorbing it and being absorbed by it but rather know the influences that go into my own makeup and understanding that there is something there that is beautiful of itself, both within those influences and in relationship to loving Nature (kind and loving Nature).
I believe that much of the preaching done in "Black" churches does preserve the old African values in a variation necessary in and peculiar to this country. i also believe I need to release some of my anti-God bigotry in order to feel comfortable with what it offers.
I lived in a Black church in East New York for several months several years ago and I became aware that the sermons were a means to resist definitioins of God that dehumanized and destroyed people, that didn't recognize the humanity of every person. During one of these sermons I walked out because the preacher seemed to be implying that one had to worship God and I felt that as one who worshipped the Divine Feminine that I couldn't go along with that implication despite all the truth that the preacher was offering. My problem was and has been that I view other forms of worship as lesser because I want to grasp at beauty rather than let it be what it is where it is.
I needed to have acknowledged his beauty.
I'm changing to freekdom because I am a fool AND because change brings hope.
Honestly, I need to know that what I sought for my life is loving and within the bounds of human nature, and that it is a source of joy in this universe and for me.
I wanted to treat myself as a woman so that other people would be themselves.
I think that my beneficent motivation does not sufficiently take into account the fact that being oneself is up to each of us individually, WITHIN the encouraging environment that may offer itself when others have taken those steps.
It is here that I need to thank my community, especially those I have known for years as strong models, not, I know now, to imitate, but rather to learn from. These include ALL of the Sally's girls, their predecessors and the new generations of them, as well as ALL of the MGN women so dedicated to finding a way of life that would allow them to fully express their individualities. I would like to name Chelsea, Sylvia, Rusty, Barbie, Felicia, Randi, Gina Germaine, Jesse Torres, Dorian Corey, Sally, Giselle, Vivian, Antonia, Julissa, Julie and Liz. Also there were many many others not necessarily transgendered who have encouraged me, including RW, JKH, NS and other new and old friends. And lastly I would like to thank Reality, whom I met somewhere around 9th Avenue and 45th Street.
It's okay. Thank you!
Now I sleep here on the two-seater couch because this is where my laptop has its attachment to the cable and so it is here I can go to sleep to music.
I am listening to Brazilian jazz on AOL radio.
This morning I wrote a long note to a friend of mine of the '80s whom I recently contacted through facebook. He wanted to know what "moves me" since I had said I'm heartily tired of politics. I started writing about anger, fear, hatred, etc., etc. Then I concluded by saying it was better than I thought. He hasn't e-mailed me back yet.
In response to President Obama's support for the ground zero mosque, I at first danced around the issue and then came down on the side of my asking my mother why is it i feel the way I do. She said she didn't know. I told her I would "figure it out." She said I'd better do it soon.
I feel better now, having had a shower.
I've been reading Emerson. The man is brilliant and provocative and spiritual, but very very oriented toward the intellect and the life of the world being reflective of the presence of God. He rejects paganism EXCEPT in comparison to Christianity that degrades itself into obeisance before the life of Christ instead of seeing God within oneself. I find this a very interesting challenge to my beliefs, and it's driving me to go around in circles as I usually do when I read anything of the sort. Maybe I simply ought to stop reading?
Historically speaking, it just goes to show that the "new" ideas of today only seem new because of the orthodox suppressing or discouraging access to these ideas. People are hungry for something different and they are beginning to find it. This seems to me to be more profound than yearnings for social justice without spiritual roots. I believe therre are such roots, but they hardly ever emerge in an explicit fashion.
I used to believe that African polytheism was a fascinating possible answer to my own individual needs. I now know that I have to respect both myself and others by not absorbing it and being absorbed by it but rather know the influences that go into my own makeup and understanding that there is something there that is beautiful of itself, both within those influences and in relationship to loving Nature (kind and loving Nature).
I believe that much of the preaching done in "Black" churches does preserve the old African values in a variation necessary in and peculiar to this country. i also believe I need to release some of my anti-God bigotry in order to feel comfortable with what it offers.
I lived in a Black church in East New York for several months several years ago and I became aware that the sermons were a means to resist definitioins of God that dehumanized and destroyed people, that didn't recognize the humanity of every person. During one of these sermons I walked out because the preacher seemed to be implying that one had to worship God and I felt that as one who worshipped the Divine Feminine that I couldn't go along with that implication despite all the truth that the preacher was offering. My problem was and has been that I view other forms of worship as lesser because I want to grasp at beauty rather than let it be what it is where it is.
I needed to have acknowledged his beauty.
I'm changing to freekdom because I am a fool AND because change brings hope.
Honestly, I need to know that what I sought for my life is loving and within the bounds of human nature, and that it is a source of joy in this universe and for me.
I wanted to treat myself as a woman so that other people would be themselves.
I think that my beneficent motivation does not sufficiently take into account the fact that being oneself is up to each of us individually, WITHIN the encouraging environment that may offer itself when others have taken those steps.
It is here that I need to thank my community, especially those I have known for years as strong models, not, I know now, to imitate, but rather to learn from. These include ALL of the Sally's girls, their predecessors and the new generations of them, as well as ALL of the MGN women so dedicated to finding a way of life that would allow them to fully express their individualities. I would like to name Chelsea, Sylvia, Rusty, Barbie, Felicia, Randi, Gina Germaine, Jesse Torres, Dorian Corey, Sally, Giselle, Vivian, Antonia, Julissa, Julie and Liz. Also there were many many others not necessarily transgendered who have encouraged me, including RW, JKH, NS and other new and old friends. And lastly I would like to thank Reality, whom I met somewhere around 9th Avenue and 45th Street.
It's okay. Thank you!
Friday, August 13, 2010
Passion for Honesty
Sexuality
Darkness changes four.
Iteration
Believe
Home is JJulia's cop/front.
Calculation
Pace era
A needle is awful.
As I live, I'm a sated shark
My mother is woman.
Trust me, love me, feel happy.
Art is interestiing.
Maybe there's love there.
Om
I am a whore that charged pain.
Entry
I live for calm/cop.
Pretty?
Darkness changes four.
Iteration
Believe
Home is JJulia's cop/front.
Calculation
Pace era
A needle is awful.
As I live, I'm a sated shark
My mother is woman.
Trust me, love me, feel happy.
Art is interestiing.
Maybe there's love there.
Om
I am a whore that charged pain.
Entry
I live for calm/cop.
Pretty?
Nuffin
As the title suggests, I've got nuffin to say.
In the life I've chosen, textual id/iosyncrasies a.bound.
Thhis is because without then, I woiuld probably be a trade-off.
And that's i home.
Treat me with goodness; Charm makes me friendly,.
As you know, there's so much that hojme creates.
And listen...
Text
In the life I've chosen, textual id/iosyncrasies a.bound.
Thhis is because without then, I woiuld probably be a trade-off.
And that's i home.
Treat me with goodness; Charm makes me friendly,.
As you know, there's so much that hojme creates.
And listen...
Text
Flow
I was going to "export" this blog to disc and delete it, but somehow it has come to me that I need to write about something -- what, I won't know for sure until I begin to write -- and that I want more than one or two people to read it. I need three people to read it. All three of you.
What I want to say is that I try to like myself. The reason that I keep harping on this and like topics is that I need to.
The main obstacle to my getting over this is that I never knew that life is to me (pardon me, My computer deleted a couple of important lines that I don't think I can remember) "dark" and that I've acted accordingly in order to outdo my own tribe.
Thus this darkness comprises pain, jealousy, envy and desire, beneath which there is fraud.
I like making people fear me. I don't feel sexy enough to make love.
I am therefore charged as form of "kissed" (on my former genitals).
I sense that fear is pain.
However, I would like to be loving.
I need to understand there's no need to be the "best" at all times to satisfy the savior god.
Pain for me makes anger flow outward and inward.
I need to understand love and be hopeful.
i love that there is good and that there is Her.
I know that I can give ("portray") her.
She (the Goddess) is a way that life can be you.
I change to feel happy.
Will love.
Plainly said, I can help (Start): give love to life.
Surrounded, love is good.
Anchored, life is happy.
Given, beauty is transformation (change).
I hope that you will understand that I've been making change a poison.
I can not make change change.
I can only feel hope and be grateful for the peace I feel now having written and admitted to the above.
I love you.
Thank you.
Blessed Be,
Julia Murray
P.S., I'm sorry I never met Mr. Bonewits and I feel a loss that he is gone.
What I want to say is that I try to like myself. The reason that I keep harping on this and like topics is that I need to.
The main obstacle to my getting over this is that I never knew that life is to me (pardon me, My computer deleted a couple of important lines that I don't think I can remember) "dark" and that I've acted accordingly in order to outdo my own tribe.
Thus this darkness comprises pain, jealousy, envy and desire, beneath which there is fraud.
I like making people fear me. I don't feel sexy enough to make love.
I am therefore charged as form of "kissed" (on my former genitals).
I sense that fear is pain.
However, I would like to be loving.
I need to understand there's no need to be the "best" at all times to satisfy the savior god.
Pain for me makes anger flow outward and inward.
I need to understand love and be hopeful.
i love that there is good and that there is Her.
I know that I can give ("portray") her.
She (the Goddess) is a way that life can be you.
I change to feel happy.
Will love.
Plainly said, I can help (Start): give love to life.
Surrounded, love is good.
Anchored, life is happy.
Given, beauty is transformation (change).
I hope that you will understand that I've been making change a poison.
I can not make change change.
I can only feel hope and be grateful for the peace I feel now having written and admitted to the above.
I love you.
Thank you.
Blessed Be,
Julia Murray
P.S., I'm sorry I never met Mr. Bonewits and I feel a loss that he is gone.
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