GOOD NEWS

My most recent CAT scan shows I have no pulmonary emboli!!!!   I am grateful and hopeful.

Love,

Julia X. (Galatea)

It was good to feel hopeful because I needed to.

I'm the one who has to take care of my body

It's better to be happy than not. 

Maybe life has being.

I feel hopeful.

Perhaps you will be strong. 

Be safe.

Lesson ten

God died because she thought men were martyrs.

I know that I cannot believe these words, because I am not a man.

Mommy, I am not kind.  I used to love myself for being happy.

Now I just want to make the world dense with blood clots.

However, you will not know anyone who will have any blood clots.

I don't understand my decision to continue smoking last spring when something told me my friends would beg me to stop.  I think I put cruelty ahead of my body.

This sucks.

Cash is not bones.  Laughter is not money.  I am not you.

Give me life or I will be another mess.

Tacky man is afraid of loss.

It's coming one way or another.

Route pain.

Secondly, I am going to have to wear a ton of makeup and possibly a wig if I want to get by as a woman.  I am thinking I want to continue using the women's bathroom, dressing room, etc.

These concerns show that I am freaking out.

I still want to get high once I'm off the Coumadin, if I'm alive.  Though from what has happened thus far, the karmic cost would be even higher than I've faced so far.

If this is about anger and cruelty and lack of acceptance, I see I will be embroiled in plenty of that.

You know it is difficult not to be sedated by estrogen.  I am becoming more unstable and angry.

Now I have to be happy because if I'm not, who will be?

These reflections show that there is a lot of tension in me.

I'm afraid of not being able to finish all my books or at least take some classes or work part time or do anything but put my "affairs" in order.

Luckily I do not have anybody as a partner or any pets or much property to dispose of.

Being distraught and in pain and losing life is not something to look forward to.

I have become maudlin, disbelieving and atrocious.

I have eaten like a pig today.  I cannot smoke or really drink.  I wish someone, e.g., my mother, would hug me, but I think my behavior is making her angry and uncomfortable. 

I have tried to understand why I am not able to properly enact feelings I know are there.  It makes me nervous to do so. 

Please just have peace.  And maybe I will find it too.

Give your loved ones love.

Even if there is no intellectual justification or rationalization supporting it, even if you cannot see the end of what you do.  Even though you will die yourself.

Do not be heavy in your thoughts or actions. 

"We are individuals!"  as they say in the Life of Brian.

Good thing there's sex. 

Rhymes that make Limes

Get Serious

Manna narc crawls to
Law's Champion.

I live next to
My cave.




Chance Occurrence

Last moment is
Green



Tapping the Man

He sick --
Tried

Revealing
Clothes

As
Cake.




Mao

The Chinese choose leaders
By acclamation.

I remember that moment when you got that brat
With her feelings.

Destiny was here;
Passing every day with

Napoleon, Hitler,
Stalin, Alexander,
Caesar.

Jinghiz Khan.

Oral vintage
makes

All verbal
play

Rape.






Sick Sex

I trundle toward the mountains
In a donkey cart.

I observe the squeaking
wooden wheels.

The crows pause
Perching

To see laughter
Graze in a peaceful mantel

Which nods its 
White racks.

Emblem-full-of-fire
Trapped in a hip dress.




Orpheus

Eurydice said,
"Don't look back."

Intercession.

Paragraph is not yes:
Stanza is dirt.

Imprecations always
Where you launched

Yourself moodily
To Babbling.

Wilson knew his Bitch.





Goat bawls in fear:
Check.




I apologize profusely to my readers for every word
that was less than art.

Four Troys to Wrap

Troy

O moment of peace,

Illness sought its languor
Momentarily
Crying for You.

I razed the villages
Making your food.

I dreamed the battles
That slaughtered your people.

As I read this note to memories,
I make good on the family.




Troy

Memories feel here
A nook where bones

Life bars grime

Dread things of
Pain

Grow where

You strike.




Troy

Or Mars

Wills his needs
Where

Zeus'
trilogies

Slap God.



Troy

Lame man
Voyaging here

Sees his Dry Life

Sinking into the Sea.




Boy

Take your place
Where you are

Chased.





I reason with you

Graft makes grooming
love mastery of bargains.

Hokey Allah


Allergan, Sinusitis, Building
Maybe I take roses to my mother's pain.

I david's best s/ex.




Craft

Allah Moans Happily
To Him where

Goats tangle lovingly;
Treated roses jar-
gon.

Maybe I love Her
Poem.

I hear it's her
God that makes me think.



Wrap

Present arms to
the Sergeant.

He knows his
Army.

Family is
Case of Grain.

Lace

Halls of Oaf

Dragging down the lives
(Maybe that's grief)
That Try bogging

The sensibility of a bogdweller

Creep.

William my Aunt Resting here.

Stapling my freedom to a laughter
Running for a rockkk.

Now, climbing the lives on each side
of the hall:

Lambert is his own moose.






Oaf Ran Her Pockets

Guilty with tears,
I ran her pain.

Tethered with race
She growled at me.

I called her
List.

Didn't you remember
The Clams that remembered
Lace?






Roses

Dread Roses,
When Your Peace
Gives Death, I
Will Build Moments.





Slip out of your mess.

You, beautiful one,
Where your veil
Lifts its dreams

To My boredom

I weird you with
crayons.

Oh my God! More "writing"!

I try to make sense of what is reason.

My message to Rusty was:

"You're not nice, you're a fool!"

It turns out I'm my own anger.

I am not my own anger.  You cannot BE an emotion.

Therefore I have made a lot of cruelty because there was stupidity that I did not like in myself.  This was fear.  I feared justice.  I knew that I had much love.  I knew I had freedom.  I did not treat myself as a woman because I was angry.  I thought no one was peaceful.

Now I can see that everyone needs hope.

I thought I was gay.  I thought I was what I was. 

Now I have my own feelings called, reasoning.

I identify my grief (fear of my own life) with love.

Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!


This means that I have to like my own strength, which is me.

I have thought that there was so much to love in me.  I did not believe aye sucked ass.  I thought that was good because it was love for my own pleasure.

Now comes happy life in making peace.


Now you can live with my openness.  Or is it me who can do so?

Many thrashings were my own actions.


I hope you can be "home" where peace and love reside.


Okay, I was exactly a brat.

Laughter about why I have taken so much time and space to say this.

Good.

You believe in what you had when you had happiness.  I also believe in what was beautiful.

I hope that there will somewhere be spirits that are beautiful as happiness.

Will dreams.

Thank you.


Pottery is love.