Here meth is white dope and heroin is black dope. Pot is green dope.
People are just so funny here.
What is God? Am I still God? I don't really think so. He cries that he needs a lone place.
I guess Mom wished me to greet her for her words, which were "people are people."
Those are ,my words, which are boring and useless. I miss people who care about art.
Today I am going to find out whether I am going to the adult foster home this week.
Both Jamie and my brother want me to ho (go) there. I am going to get drunk. I am not going to use meth. I won't be able to afford it.
I want to travel and go to graduate school, but I am lost.
In the system makes you a nothing. Maybe I will find friends.
What difference have I made to anyone (such as Rusty the retired business professor who went to Northwestern and the Fletcher School of Diplomacy at Tufts University?)
evidently sisterhood does not apply to me because I am going into the system, which probably is much less harsh than I would find in New York, though there would be infinitely more chances to go to CUNY or Columbia or treatment places like that.
Is this good?
I am alone part of life. Part of life.
Love under will belongs a lot of places. The universe is only one of an infinity according to Kiristianna who had me stare at an extended Star of David to expand my horizons. A multiplicity of crosses are in military cemeteries, where some pagans are buried with a pentagram to signify their paganism. I wish I could write in the shape of a pentagram but I don't know yet if I can do that on a computer. I would have to reprogram blogspot.
What wanks your people?
No more wanking. Oceans.
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
Too bad
The safety works alive Serfing trouble s are cruel here.
I admire here is you here is you peacefully trying to belong where
goddesses safely works alone. Part of life part of life works here. Goddess please priestly work here with me for your poem where I am safely here here for you. Here is you peacefully saying it is here that you care a law bothers it is safe here as long I am working for the trees. Stiffness annihilates my mind here is you here are you forever part of life a long time for me to strengthen a lot of priestesses upside down in their roses here are the wombs alive for the Goddess. Sorry I am so worried for my mind. Here is the Goddess. She is peering at the trees and my heart is there a part of life for my mind a long time I have been cruel a long time alone with no poem or tree. Sharing prettiness is lonely a part of life part of life pretend 9it is free here for you a long time is you working a long time. I poem illness part of life. It is alone belonging here. The words are not the same here for me to pester for their prettiness where they are. I am still ill as a grueling plaque on an elephant's back. Part of life part of life cold is boring. Do you remember when I thought words talked for themselves? I still don't love my heart because it is beyond the Goddess alone with my womanhood here for me to pay for pleasing my mind alone alone part of life.
Convictions work like art is a bitch to stave off. I am willing that the Goddess kills this dream because no one works for their Goddess for their money. For their anger. This is work part of life is angst for nothing. I am bored for nothing but my brother kind of work is this? Still lonely for nothing. Sorry I'm here. Work creates peace for some people who care the G
goddess needs them part of life. I am shocked that I do not say I am here for my brother part of life part of life.
Please give me alone my mind alone for nothing. Still here alone. I am alone cruelly sick for my hopes. Death calls it better for me to string it out alone for my creative patience still part of life as Goddess. Where fails it better?? Here or a better place for my brother. Please help me part of life cold to our loneliness. THE SENTENCE PREVIOUSLY HERE IS NULL AND VOID. This is a Goddess with my mind here for my brother. He drinks Goddesses for his pandering to his creative rank here.
The Sergeant begs me to pee where I wish.
I admire here is you here is you peacefully trying to belong where
goddesses safely works alone. Part of life part of life works here. Goddess please priestly work here with me for your poem where I am safely here here for you. Here is you peacefully saying it is here that you care a law bothers it is safe here as long I am working for the trees. Stiffness annihilates my mind here is you here are you forever part of life a long time for me to strengthen a lot of priestesses upside down in their roses here are the wombs alive for the Goddess. Sorry I am so worried for my mind. Here is the Goddess. She is peering at the trees and my heart is there a part of life for my mind a long time I have been cruel a long time alone with no poem or tree. Sharing prettiness is lonely a part of life part of life pretend 9it is free here for you a long time is you working a long time. I poem illness part of life. It is alone belonging here. The words are not the same here for me to pester for their prettiness where they are. I am still ill as a grueling plaque on an elephant's back. Part of life part of life cold is boring. Do you remember when I thought words talked for themselves? I still don't love my heart because it is beyond the Goddess alone with my womanhood here for me to pay for pleasing my mind alone alone part of life.
Convictions work like art is a bitch to stave off. I am willing that the Goddess kills this dream because no one works for their Goddess for their money. For their anger. This is work part of life is angst for nothing. I am bored for nothing but my brother kind of work is this? Still lonely for nothing. Sorry I'm here. Work creates peace for some people who care the G
goddess needs them part of life. I am shocked that I do not say I am here for my brother part of life part of life.
Please give me alone my mind alone for nothing. Still here alone. I am alone cruelly sick for my hopes. Death calls it better for me to string it out alone for my creative patience still part of life as Goddess. Where fails it better?? Here or a better place for my brother. Please help me part of life cold to our loneliness. THE SENTENCE PREVIOUSLY HERE IS NULL AND VOID. This is a Goddess with my mind here for my brother. He drinks Goddesses for his pandering to his creative rank here.
The Sergeant begs me to pee where I wish.
One Hour
Sartre
Indivisible writing
gonads
Hell
Issues
No deal
chelsea Goodwin roses
law
delphine
Blue
Ignorance
Evil
DefCon One
Selvy
Witness
Grease
Allah
Without we
Bank bank bank
Search for freedom
Intelligence
Illness
Irritation
we we low arson dildo elevated rome william safety rome targets grief law stink I bomb boop will distance rude plan saviors dot mommy god stars will laughter Sartre Janke
For art there is rap part of life God part of life black roses Sartre body shifts will laughter illness Sartre.
I lost bombing darkness a law targets. Quit being breezy: Listen for your art. I bother beans. Dick roses part of life art tries art tries ill bores. God plies parts parts darkness will artists sorry art plans Sartre illness easy grief Sartre Goddess darkness I saw you interesting. Wards deal. Work bothers bothers ill priestess. Shaving peas stinks poems think rudeness. Deep bombing reads Sartre openly for Mom without priestesses above my work. Please ill parts of life parts of life are boring. Just type a lot of combs as roses interesting artists stink possibly for their rape on poems that strengthen parts for a lot of parts here it is lonely to be a lonely home.
When I depart illness it is my share that is peaceful for need to bother roses in their priestess part.
I don't even say I am cruel at the home I am cruel to law. It is sorry about the freedom to work for their kind who is alone without people's presence artistically alone is boring. Keen homes deal parts treating me alone part of life works for the Goddess here she is.
Indivisible writing
gonads
Hell
Issues
No deal
chelsea Goodwin roses
law
delphine
Blue
Ignorance
Evil
DefCon One
Selvy
Witness
Grease
Allah
Without we
Bank bank bank
Search for freedom
Intelligence
Illness
Irritation
we we low arson dildo elevated rome william safety rome targets grief law stink I bomb boop will distance rude plan saviors dot mommy god stars will laughter Sartre Janke
For art there is rap part of life God part of life black roses Sartre body shifts will laughter illness Sartre.
I lost bombing darkness a law targets. Quit being breezy: Listen for your art. I bother beans. Dick roses part of life art tries art tries ill bores. God plies parts parts darkness will artists sorry art plans Sartre illness easy grief Sartre Goddess darkness I saw you interesting. Wards deal. Work bothers bothers ill priestess. Shaving peas stinks poems think rudeness. Deep bombing reads Sartre openly for Mom without priestesses above my work. Please ill parts of life parts of life are boring. Just type a lot of combs as roses interesting artists stink possibly for their rape on poems that strengthen parts for a lot of parts here it is lonely to be a lonely home.
When I depart illness it is my share that is peaceful for need to bother roses in their priestess part.
I don't even say I am cruel at the home I am cruel to law. It is sorry about the freedom to work for their kind who is alone without people's presence artistically alone is boring. Keen homes deal parts treating me alone part of life works for the Goddess here she is.
Thursday, December 21, 2017
Empire
A bomb drinks Mommy.
Unclear.
The original thought(s) I had were ill. These include pain failure Sartre war and krack.
\
Self-harm via negative thoughts about myself and my life have been a major part of this blog.
A father who is a writer and a philosopher is my doppelgänger. I search for majority and domination in the thoughts of great philosophers like Sartre and Hegel.
There is a bitch in my mommy: a projection.
A goddamn moose equals black.
My father was a soldier and had the philosophy of a soldier. He believed in getting things done quickly and efficiently in an organized way.
I never chose where I put things. I just left them on the floor for a later that never came. I still do. However, for the first time in my life I have arranged those of my books that are unpackaged in alphabetical order by author in the three categories of fiction, non-fiction and poetry.
This droning is a very dull self therapy. That much I can tell you.
I have produced a numb person.
My goddamn world thinks about my hope for broads.
Maybe the reality (and Being and Nothingness is, it turns out, a non-realist philosophy) acts too much Bruce-like.
I have asked the Goddess to inspire my words. This is not what I have expected.
On the horizon, all fag moments . One more sickness to address.
I miss all the artists like Maureen Anderson I used to know.
The trees and mountains here are so green. I enjoy them.
I love the sound of the surf across the way in the middle of the night while I am smoking.
Bob bob bob bob.
Unclear.
The original thought(s) I had were ill. These include pain failure Sartre war and krack.
\
Self-harm via negative thoughts about myself and my life have been a major part of this blog.
A father who is a writer and a philosopher is my doppelgänger. I search for majority and domination in the thoughts of great philosophers like Sartre and Hegel.
There is a bitch in my mommy: a projection.
A goddamn moose equals black.
My father was a soldier and had the philosophy of a soldier. He believed in getting things done quickly and efficiently in an organized way.
I never chose where I put things. I just left them on the floor for a later that never came. I still do. However, for the first time in my life I have arranged those of my books that are unpackaged in alphabetical order by author in the three categories of fiction, non-fiction and poetry.
This droning is a very dull self therapy. That much I can tell you.
I have produced a numb person.
My goddamn world thinks about my hope for broads.
Maybe the reality (and Being and Nothingness is, it turns out, a non-realist philosophy) acts too much Bruce-like.
I have asked the Goddess to inspire my words. This is not what I have expected.
On the horizon, all fag moments . One more sickness to address.
I miss all the artists like Maureen Anderson I used to know.
The trees and mountains here are so green. I enjoy them.
I love the sound of the surf across the way in the middle of the night while I am smoking.
Bob bob bob bob.
Sunday, December 17, 2017
The moment and change
Omens rock
Drama calls me narcotic
I am sick with hamming darkness
This body asks for trust in farts (like me)
Over the rainbow
I am thinking too much about hate
Law boop keys freedom laughter
My words provoke a response from me and send me on a journey through time and change
The flip side is that I carry a crown of intellect that sees only as it chooses.
Rape stinks
Drama calls me narcotic
I am sick with hamming darkness
This body asks for trust in farts (like me)
Over the rainbow
I am thinking too much about hate
Law boop keys freedom laughter
My words provoke a response from me and send me on a journey through time and change
The flip side is that I carry a crown of intellect that sees only as it chooses.
Rape stinks
Saturday, December 16, 2017
Words to make me happy?
What I dreamt was that I was in Oakland and it was huge and modernistic with big underground train tunnels. I left my brother and took a train to San Francisco but I wasn't sure I made it because there was still a little bit of bay between me and the City.
People who live in New York do not call San Francisco the "City."
I found out a lot this week. I hope I can write it here.
I located Julia inside me. She is tremendously vulnerable and simple; not much of her personality survived transition. I don't think she should ever be alone. I think she needs 24 hour supervision. I'm afraid I'll hurt people out of frustration.
I tried telling my therapist this but she only continued with her idea of having three visitors a week.
I met the other "members" of the Assertive Community Program at a Christmas Party. It was tremendously depressing. The others were older and not very communicative. They seemed tremendously withdrawn but I was the only one who cried. I thought it was cruel to bring us together in such a depressing manner. We had ham, scalloped potatoes, mashed potatoes; and plates of fruit and vegetables, which I did I did not eat.
There was plenty of garlic in the scalloped potatoes so I enjoyed them.
I spoke to my psychiatric nurse practitioner via video hookup and my therapist called me a he, so that's what she thinks of me. Earlier in our drive to Tillamook I was struggling with a desire to rape her, which was awful. I had these feelings because my nerve endings are the same and I liked her. I tried to care about men, which is what Sylfvisa thought of non transgender women , more than that. That is a lie. I thought about her as a woman. I can't trust myself. I did nothing to her.
So long for today. I am a her.
People who live in New York do not call San Francisco the "City."
I found out a lot this week. I hope I can write it here.
I located Julia inside me. She is tremendously vulnerable and simple; not much of her personality survived transition. I don't think she should ever be alone. I think she needs 24 hour supervision. I'm afraid I'll hurt people out of frustration.
I tried telling my therapist this but she only continued with her idea of having three visitors a week.
I met the other "members" of the Assertive Community Program at a Christmas Party. It was tremendously depressing. The others were older and not very communicative. They seemed tremendously withdrawn but I was the only one who cried. I thought it was cruel to bring us together in such a depressing manner. We had ham, scalloped potatoes, mashed potatoes; and plates of fruit and vegetables, which I did I did not eat.
There was plenty of garlic in the scalloped potatoes so I enjoyed them.
I spoke to my psychiatric nurse practitioner via video hookup and my therapist called me a he, so that's what she thinks of me. Earlier in our drive to Tillamook I was struggling with a desire to rape her, which was awful. I had these feelings because my nerve endings are the same and I liked her. I tried to care about men, which is what Sylfvisa thought of non transgender women , more than that. That is a lie. I thought about her as a woman. I can't trust myself. I did nothing to her.
So long for today. I am a her.
Thursday, December 7, 2017
Overcome
Digital iteration is the opposite hell
Than Swank Nefertiti dying in my composite shell.
Glory, glory, glory in a time of surcease?
My folly's entirety is self increase.
The loss of such pursuit I fear:
My Terrorism is to make Witches clear.
I pray I am not too ill
For Love under Will.
Than Swank Nefertiti dying in my composite shell.
Glory, glory, glory in a time of surcease?
My folly's entirety is self increase.
The loss of such pursuit I fear:
My Terrorism is to make Witches clear.
I pray I am not too ill
For Love under Will.
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