No Freedom to be Good

I am not free to be good -- I am free only to like what is in place to keep me from being free -- conditions I accepted in order to stay alive. But maybe life without freedom is not life.

I am so sorry that there's so little good that I have done. I can only say that I feel "dark," stupid, cold, foolish and beastly.

I want you to know that sex with my friends was cold and painful. I wanted to make love as a woman. I made love as a martyr.

I had better stop being a part of the shit that is creating so much hatred. I can only do that by peacefully giving what I know to be so: babies are ways to live. You can't use them, you can't make them into what you are, but you can give them love.

I was a cold angry foolish stupid nothing. Now I love being free.

Hold me, someone.