It wills
I artistically
People
Okay? It is will I am trying to value effortlessly.
I am drying men with family and plows.
No one glides all every planet and lands in their face.
God stops men to men lying in their plows.
I want places to create a friend who will treat me with free hands and trees with great friendly plastic combs.
Dad is here willing a man to give him possible round blond goddesses.
He (Dad) calls this a bad gotcha (this means that I saw his star and I loved the friendly player I made from pompey.
Dad murders clowns with trouble and with flowers. I know I give you a freedom you were sorry that I wanted. I know I am cruel when I saw law as a freedom of money.
Dear monied ones, it is true that money requires freedom to act in order for all to be free. It is also true that my concepts of love involve a way to teach ham. This knowledge is a law to my cunt. It is also a law to family.
The family bothers me. Surely it is much happier to guide your love with peace than with fame.
I have become lonely in my saw.
Cold vision sees a narcotic pond darkening ponds with naughts and drums.
Skewing to the left, I see pansy costs baying a passion for soft london.
Clowsns bother me because I know I am sorry to make love a drug for money or for pump.
Sylvia is bothering me in my soft tonsil; she is loving cause it is ponds that are lying.
Will and hostility cold bands around the igloo I loved.
November 5, 20106
Saturday, November 5, 2016
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Plans
I write this for my own amusement.
I will follow the order the various items arise in my mind.
First
Here we have the perennial "write poetry" and "clean room"
Commentary
From one point of view I am writing plans to avoid both. I have barely read any poetry in the last several months and written even less. I do not count the majority of the jumbled artifacts of my pre-conscious that I on occasion have committed to this blog.
Speaking of jumbled artifacts, my room is an atrocity. There is no door to it and it is upstairs and it is a mess with no furniture such as a desk or a computer (which are in the alcove in my brother's living room) so I have no reason to do anything active there except try to spend time avoiding my brother's presence by hours of attempted sleep. Recently I have not even tried to read in bed, though a few days ago I read three pages of Browning's Sordello.
I really need to clean my room because I am purportedly moving out in the next few days and my brother, like my father before him, finds it a thorn in his side. My brother devotes 90% of his energy to order, which to me has no purpose except in furtherance of living; perhaps when I am on my own in a studio where I cannot get away from my mess I will be forced to change. Anyone who knows me is bored with this fact of my life.
Related to the First
Read books.
Commentary
I have several hundred books of often magnificent quality, many of them half read, most of which I have not picked up in months or years. It is an ungainly collection which I once fully intended to finish in the course of picking up a master's degree in English literature. Now I do not have a clue where to begin or whether to finish. I am presently in the midst of several books but the only one that keeps reliably drawing me back is John Dos Passos' U.S.A. trilogy, of which I have almost finished the middle volume, 1919.
Second
Every day hygiene and cleaning.
Within this we find such imperatives as showering, brushing my teeth and doing the dishes.
Commentary
How can I describe the vile combination of mental illness, resentment and comfort with disorder that leads me to consistently put off for un seemly amounts of time these basic task?
Third
Routine paperwork and bills.
Commentary
I also fall down on this. All I do not fall down on is CNN watching, smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee.
Fourth
Impending matters
We find here such items as moving to a new apartment (very distantly linked to "finding a permanent home") and traveling to New York to visit Jamie and (very possibly) get high . No, that cannot be done.
Fifth
Relationships, Religion and emotional confusion.
Commentary.
Here I have set those matters which seem both broad, and related to my intimate needs in a way which very often serves as the underpinning of inactivity (aside from familial ancient business). Under relationships there are friends and family, particularly the post mortem results of my staying with my mother for seven years. I also have no friends within 1,500 miles, which is a gigantic handicap in finding my bearings and being motivated on a daily level. Religion is a mental and emotional force which finds me unable to practice my beliefs. Chelsea a and Jamie are my somewhat residual contacts for both relationships and religion and I spend a good ten to thirty minutes a day in telephonic touch so that I do not wholly lose hope. I seriously wish I was still in a community of like-minded practitioners of IRREVERENT rebellion instead of this serious-minded confusion .
Sixth
Work, money and career.
Commentary
All practically speaking nearly irrelevant to my every day life in a way which leads any conventional political or economic activity just dust.
Seventh
Macroanalysis
Commentary
The thesis that I am sick of bourgeois values informing every pressure upon me. It's enough to make me wish to be a revolutionary and CUT THE CRAP!
I will follow the order the various items arise in my mind.
First
Here we have the perennial "write poetry" and "clean room"
Commentary
From one point of view I am writing plans to avoid both. I have barely read any poetry in the last several months and written even less. I do not count the majority of the jumbled artifacts of my pre-conscious that I on occasion have committed to this blog.
Speaking of jumbled artifacts, my room is an atrocity. There is no door to it and it is upstairs and it is a mess with no furniture such as a desk or a computer (which are in the alcove in my brother's living room) so I have no reason to do anything active there except try to spend time avoiding my brother's presence by hours of attempted sleep. Recently I have not even tried to read in bed, though a few days ago I read three pages of Browning's Sordello.
I really need to clean my room because I am purportedly moving out in the next few days and my brother, like my father before him, finds it a thorn in his side. My brother devotes 90% of his energy to order, which to me has no purpose except in furtherance of living; perhaps when I am on my own in a studio where I cannot get away from my mess I will be forced to change. Anyone who knows me is bored with this fact of my life.
Related to the First
Read books.
Commentary
I have several hundred books of often magnificent quality, many of them half read, most of which I have not picked up in months or years. It is an ungainly collection which I once fully intended to finish in the course of picking up a master's degree in English literature. Now I do not have a clue where to begin or whether to finish. I am presently in the midst of several books but the only one that keeps reliably drawing me back is John Dos Passos' U.S.A. trilogy, of which I have almost finished the middle volume, 1919.
Second
Every day hygiene and cleaning.
Within this we find such imperatives as showering, brushing my teeth and doing the dishes.
Commentary
How can I describe the vile combination of mental illness, resentment and comfort with disorder that leads me to consistently put off for un seemly amounts of time these basic task?
Third
Routine paperwork and bills.
Commentary
I also fall down on this. All I do not fall down on is CNN watching, smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee.
Fourth
Impending matters
We find here such items as moving to a new apartment (very distantly linked to "finding a permanent home") and traveling to New York to visit Jamie and (very possibly) get high . No, that cannot be done.
Fifth
Relationships, Religion and emotional confusion.
Commentary.
Here I have set those matters which seem both broad, and related to my intimate needs in a way which very often serves as the underpinning of inactivity (aside from familial ancient business). Under relationships there are friends and family, particularly the post mortem results of my staying with my mother for seven years. I also have no friends within 1,500 miles, which is a gigantic handicap in finding my bearings and being motivated on a daily level. Religion is a mental and emotional force which finds me unable to practice my beliefs. Chelsea a and Jamie are my somewhat residual contacts for both relationships and religion and I spend a good ten to thirty minutes a day in telephonic touch so that I do not wholly lose hope. I seriously wish I was still in a community of like-minded practitioners of IRREVERENT rebellion instead of this serious-minded confusion .
Sixth
Work, money and career.
Commentary
All practically speaking nearly irrelevant to my every day life in a way which leads any conventional political or economic activity just dust.
Seventh
Macroanalysis
Commentary
The thesis that I am sick of bourgeois values informing every pressure upon me. It's enough to make me wish to be a revolutionary and CUT THE CRAP!
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