Fort Being and the Wild Nothingnesses

The post here is porous to some with a legitimate association with a person with military i.d. I've thought of bringing fliers that say "U.S. out of Afghanistan," but that is what the President has supposedly signed on to.

It doesn't really matter.

So, what is this about wild nothingnesses?

They are entities (not beings, of course) that cause consternation in the beings on the fort. They do things in a way that is not fixed by law, by the Eternal Logos, or by immobile traditions. Mobility of thought, of body, of the necessaries of staying alive underlie the unpredictable and yet generous way of life nothingnesses practice.

Are you buying this?

I think that staying stuck in a rut and then defending it as the only possible reality is the way that Fort Being has found itself isolated and paranoid about the Wild Nothingnesses.

I know to be a pest.

AS LOVE GOES, SO GOES HOME



As the Family Circus kid said the other day, "Are all the sleds named Bob?" My answer is Yes.

Feelings

Right now, I feel depressed, pissed off and frustrated.

For now, I'd just like to go over some facts.

First, I'm not a Moose. That I apparently have to prove this over and over again even to those closest to me is a source of consternation and disgust. I really try to communicate. I really try to be un-ungainly. I really try to let people know I love them.

Strangely enough, I like love. I like being a bitch.

There's a lot more, isn't there, c*?

Yes, there is.

A lot of people appear to me to like resting and helping.

That's good.

I like roses; I like driving; I like meeting people.

I'd like somehow to put all those in combination. I think it must be possible.

The more incoherent the better.

Say it:

Love seeks love.

Anger seeks anger.

I am looking for a way not to be afraid of home.

HOME

Lots and lots of people need a home.... I actually live in one. However, resting (sorry for the nonsequitur) requires having a way to help people. I don't have such a way. Do you know why? Because I am so full of dried-up jokes. One is, How many fools does it take to use a light bulb? The answer is, me.


Question:

Why do you think people go, ha ha, when looking at Transsexuals?

The answer is,

Because they think they can do anything to us and get away with it.

I know what to say.

"C*" loves a lot of girls.

She has to, because she knows that she is a fuck.


You can see how low self-esteem can go.

Don't think that just because you put down other people means that everything is just hunky-dory.

I refuse to let everybody know why I'm a good person.

You'll have to be yourself, c*, what you most fear:

Hustlers love a her.

I am good at feeling like a strong person, but I'm not good at being happy.

Babies are people.

Therefore I am feeling good.

Strength and love are good.

Great Scott, I'm happy.


See how long and how little it took?



Next Title:

Fort Being against the Wild Nothingnesses.

An Anniversary

Today is the eighth anniversary of Sylvia's passing away.

Eight years seems a very long time.

I still think of Sylvia and our relationship and I hope that someday I can make amends for some of its and my glaring deficiencies.

I hope that she loves me.


In her spirit, I would like to apologize to each and every person for each and every time I doubted their being their self or their right to being their self, and also for the enormous pain I fear that I may have thereby caused many many people. This is particularly directed at several of my readers. That's RW, RMM and CG. And nonreaders such as AC and NS.

If I had a candle of St. Barbara, I would light it today for Sylvia.

I need to let go of feeling bad.

Love,

c*

Please remember that there is no life without a home. I hope there will be a way to love.

My best to JKH

The latest

This rapid eye movement technique turns out to be similar to hypnosis, but also similar to the "mind-emptying" machine on the Star Trek episode where the mad doctor goes insane at the end when he gets a dose of his own medicine. At least it seemed that way to me. It did bring forth some thoughts and issues of mine that I probably needed to deal with but I didn't think that there was much kindliness to the method. It seemed more like I "cooperated" by making my image of a goldfish clear enough to my therapist so that he could assess me as needing more medicine. I felt fixated on his hand movements; compelled by them, and therefore not really a willing participant. On the other hand, I agreed that I need more meds, and last night I felt enough hostility toward my mother that I felt I needed to go to the hospital. After talking things over with her and my doctor today, I feel better, am switching to a new medication ("Saphris"?) and am not so uncomfortable that I am going to go to the hospital. I thought, anyway, that if I went in I was never coming out. So let me know what you, my readers, think. I have a lot of work to do.

Love, c*

a better day

Today my therapist helped me discover myself as a goldfish. I feel that is a comforting, soothing and attractive image that I will return to over the next week.

Also I will be doing something with moving my eyes back and forth to simulate dreaming so that I can better establish and solidify my "ego state."


Wish me luck!

I hope you all are having a beautiful day.

Love, c*

Notebook plus

My personality
[nothing here yet]


My goals/needs
I need to feel like I've got a person in my head; I need to live.



My skills and strengths/weaknesses in getting what I need
[nada]



Crack

For

Get to meet people
Instant sex


Against
There's more to life than fucking crack
Violence, criminality, cheatiing and being cheated, danger




Stanford: where is the love? "deacon of pain"/intellectual makers of pain.
Plato: the ultimate smart-ass
Latin/Classics: Do I or don't I think of love as a bitch does.
Can't think for everybody: have to be
They ("philosophers") go to it, and say, hey, what do you want?
If we only treat people with kindness and respect: who's "we"?
Trying to prevent people from speaking for themselves: "Alistair, he" (destroying declaration of self by destroying the declarative sentence: long live "teamwork.")

Edit This

For once in my life, I've got someone to ... how does it go?

Hate, pure and unadulterated.

That's what I know myself to not exhibit every moment of the day.

I have made many mistakes, errors and I have hurt a lot of people. I am quite sure it was out of fear, and it was not my fault that I have this fear, basically of myself and parts of myself I find unacceptable, such as the part of me that is typing, breathing and exuding hostility this very moment.

I feel that there is beauty, that there is patience, and there is love.

Do whatever the fuck you want.

Fame is festering

More unprocessed verbiage:



Apologize, Ju.

There’s somebody that stubbornness cried out to be.

I love you.

A traced lesbian


Girls preach mystery
Christ tried fuck

Maybe love cries love
Strength cries friendship

As dying is feared,
Science is crying sexuality

I love my home

I know that there’s strength
In patience.

I know there’s hope
In destiny.

I wonder as poison.


Say



Destiny, peace and mystery
Strength, happiness and passion
Mother, life and wisdom



Strive and be
Silence can find funk


Writing to be
Say
Darkness can feel

Night likes her
Gifts are beautiful

A moose tried.

Woman hopes for time
Gratitude is messy

Another lover is
Terrible

Me good to love

Happiness

Happy, kind people are good
So that they will be home.


Like Goddess, home.

Please let Goddess like this.

Dangers of Winning

Just a few notes -- again.

I am wounded to the quick that Southeastern Arizona Behavioral Health Services wanted to charge me 125 dollars just for an intake. Back to Dr. Sullivan!

I worry too much; I make others worry too much.


Stains

People dare life and there's love
I found that assessment is basically French

Don't like every lover you like today.

Don't think that I'm strong.



Here we go:


eljaejrlkjelrdfjcmlkdrjlka

Rsastrrraarrlllrsa
TusvewwwcsxyssrrlkjwaQ

Take this love and be kjdafeRsatursar

Karlamar

i am adjacent to you and therrefore possess a propinquity.


Rusty, tlet Greed Stop kelkflkdlkrj
dkllkjerjjJr
adlfjeljkr
aldkjdrejelk
ferrrrrsaarrtt
a;rkjelkjr
djflkejekjro;iuelkjdcd

darlkejkrkjankska

Krack settles for male.

I fear the left of the Goddess as night.
I fear the left of the Goddess as -- same as I ever was.


Afraid to die

Love as Type
I made life a person

I am crazy.

Know that self is helping to live for a boys tap.


Self crime is hatred of failure.

For me.


Another way of goiong to this place is to
Feel.


My favorite Goddess today is Nike, the aspect of Zeus and Athena that was winged Victory.

The Goddess of accomplishment.

Perhaps that Is What I worship/possess/am possessed by. Good luck to Julia

C*