I, Moose

I like teachers as dark.

I don't want change;
I cannot change art into argumentation;
I am not God.

Okay.  Since I like you, please dream.

I passionately glide into a rascal charged with
Aping Answers God believed in.

Nothing can change my life, and witches
Are patient.

Cunt, artistically.

Or cheese.
I don't like change because it likes me.

Sticky

Setting aside limits, boundaries and imperatives

A troubled thought seems to feel rude.

Something in me wants to make things cost.
I think this is the expression of a will to dominate.
According to de Beauvoir, such a will must be dishonest:
In denying others freedom, I am denying myself freedom.

Orkay.

As a woman I know that belonging to parts of my hopes for
homely bliss is nothing to part of life.

I write this in part because I am not that famous.

I do not know what to say about people who are
cold.  This is my life.  I am not that bad.

Part of this seems to me work.

Therefore I give you a pope of acting.

Do not act?

Okay.  Safire knew that necessary cracks in
Work divide kindness and leeches.

I have found that nothing is better than
Young people reading art as part of hope.

Costs do not care about racism
Because nothing is dreaming about acts.

I understand:  Bosses belong where
Atrocities work messes.

An atrocity:  parts of love as new to stink.
Messes:  woman.

No one is here to work as a loss.

Coldness belongs to needs for feces.

Why do i always go back to shit:  because
that is where my artistry called itself a drug.

Nothing is right to belong -- okay costs are another
Answer to change.

Change is a poem.

Epater le bourgeois

Oh,  for now I am alive.

Since now, I am a woman.

A woman, for me, comprises
1)  Be thoughtful
2)  Listen
3)  Love.

I am not really a loving or a troubled person.  Really I am a lousy crook.

But since I have been good to myself, by which I mean angry, for this long time, I will begin to let go of troubles such as nuts (those cajones which I gained from the operation and lost through my anger towards sexuality (life as an artist and a nut)) for all to grieve.

I wish I had the answers.  I don't like the only way is money.  It is the only life for those with peace of land.

Seeking love in parts of myself, I have been a fool.  I thought nothing would be suffered as a right of thought.  But thought must dream, must be right for love.  I have been the creator of my dreams.  They have been a cross of my throne.  This is crooked as a pig.

As of now, I am three, two, one, zero orphaned to the artists of peace.

Oh, dashing is my road.  Passion aggressiveness is a nothingness of openness.  Peel peace:  there is -- oh my god -- life.

To Rusty,

The goddess as a woman is beautiful.  Please be alive for my dreams.

That is selfish.

I am far from your crooked art.  It is beautiful to be alive.  It is also a crooked ruse I have been loving and a mostly crooked mother of a cross that was about feces.

Disturbing?  I have the only crookedness of my work -- a family of hope was my ashes.

Now please a good thing is home.

Shamu
Others
Ashes

A lesson in paper -- men are free for their dreams; women give themselves life.

It is not enough.

And I am the cause?

Okay.  I called myself worker because there is a lot of bombs that go to the love of junk.

I know junk is piss.

I know life is entered.

Now it is best to go and have roses.

Creativity and beaches with nothing on them

Sapphire Owls lack a Goddess' rights.

This is a kind of nearly meaningless
juxtaposition that no one likes.

I do not teach myself kindness
because I am a clock.

And when I think of you
No one is a word,

Especially not an ostrich.

There you are, a widely
recognized life of

Stink, belief and sharks.

Avram

I think of myself dying with a good thing I didn't understand.
I know I am working because I feel full of pain.

I have thought of being a woman and now I realize it is good to say I love you.

I am not writing poetry.  This is my good. 


I can write more words:  people are needed because all are womanly in their stapling.

This is another way to be cold.

I borrowed this reason to be passionate from my friends.  I know I am good or not.

As a woman, there is hope.

I hope you will have feelings and love.

As of now, no more loop.

No more

My readers can be sure that they have seen the extent of unfiltered disclosure that is possible with me.  If you wish to know more, be someone I already know who cares about me.

Thanks for the emotional effort of reading this sometime garbage.

Before I get any ideas.

I don't know how I can write a less idyllic portrait of myself than I have already written.  The fact is that I am not ready to write in public about the extent and nature of violence in my life.  Suffice it to say that on Friday I was ready to spend a long time in the hospital and now I am feeling better. 

I need healing.  I may need a long time and distance away from my mother.  I wish I had the ability to see where I need to be and how I would get there. 

Since I am not very explicit here my readers can give up expecting astonishing if mind-numbingly repetitive descriptions of my mental state for the time being.



When there is something better to write I will write it.


It is healing to cook fried potatoes and eggs for breakfast.
It is hopeful to me that I am getting a better idea of the extent and nature of my illness.

It is probably the end of the line as far as troubles go.  I must AND NOW CAN let them be.

I need a hug and reassurance.  I expect to receive neither.

I was honest with one person about what happened.  Other than her I was merely reporting a disordered frame of mind, not the scary emotional bottom (that's me, an "emotional bottom") that I found. 

Maybe it will help if I tell you that many of my most puzzling traits are now in a steadier place.

I need for my mother to be safe.  So far this has all been mental, emotional and verbal.

I know I need to be hopeful.

This is scaring me more now than before.  I will say it.  I told my friend on the phone that "I cannot murder my mother; she needs kindness."  This was by way of finding my starting place.

I like being happy, this being a reason I had to write this down.

I wanted to stay at a motel on Friday night but I have no i.d. and I had no debit card due to losing them on the airplane from Portland to Phoenix.

I hate making myself afraid of peace.

Today is a better day.  I know that love is something you give, not something you have.

I have been a solipsist too long.  Please be good and be whatever is hopeful for you to be.

I love her.  I love my mother.  She is a good person.  I did not give her children.  She has a difficult time telling me she loves me.  I wanted her to call me strong when I became her daughter.

I say of my friends and relatives and anyone I know of who reads this that you are part of this world and I am also.  I need to be a part of kindness also.  To be kind means ?  I must be free to be kind without pushing the opposite.  I must choose to give.

Here:  Life is love.

Stay calm and stable for those who love you.  This means you those who dance on the edges.

I NEED TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT FAMILY AND BE PEACEFUL.  Please max out on the healing energies.

So, there is hope as I told the hotline counselor who came to visit. 

I am not inhuman nor am I unaware.  I am free.

Here's a good line:  What part of Sart/re don't you understand.

I feel love; I feel strength.  There is good in life.  Thank you for helping me know that.

I may go to Tucson as soon as I get my i.d. but that will not be until Tuesday at the earliest.

I know that I am peaceful because I work at this family.

I need help.  Where do I go?

I was going to respite care in Benson, but contrary to what they offered, they never called me.

Okay.  My mother is a woman who is strong and I am a language.  So much for understanding.

Too little work?  Too much self-involvement?  Who will want me around them now?

And be your charge.

P.S., I finally was able to explain to my mother many of my decisions that led me to be the way I am and I also explained about my relationship with Sylvia and why it was so intense and strong.

Bye for now.

P.P.S.  So happiness and peace are changing people and God is not the answer to things but rather those things themselves?  I believe that animism is possible but it is not the only way to live nor can it be.

No more lessons in morality from me.  Maybe a few tales from the crypt.

Love thy neighbor.
Honor thy father and mother.

Blessed Be,

Julia Murray