I'm leaving today

These are the words that Mr. Frank Sinatra sang in the intro to the famous New York, New York anthem.

I have done the reverse.

It is becoming more unlikely that I will move back. I finally did a pro and con list about the very subject and realized that the only reason to move would be to fulfill my distended ambitions.

Yet somehow I wish to see people with whom I have had so much love.

These same people seem to think that I would be making a mistake even to visit and that the irritability quotient might be too high. I have to remember this and take it into account.

I do not believe I belong here either.

There really isn't much to say right now.

I am encouraged to note that the NY Times doubts Sarkozy will win. Maybe something positive will take place in Europe.

Pointless.

Anyhow, let's all be considerate today of the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees.

Embarrassing to admit, but I really am soft on the Goddess. I think she does a lot that brings out the best in people and in me.

Salut,

Julia M.

Amber Palooka

Flying

Dean aisle.

You know?

Anywho, the art is tic (etc.) trials that I have undergone have certainly become tedious. I am now becoming more interested in teaching the tribulations that judgment produces in those who have become party to peace.

Peace has been my underlying value for so long, but now I have managed to bring to it various self-tortures and a great distance from any practical change. I take this to mean that I have isolated it and myself as an abstract and do not have much of an inkling as where to go from here. Surprise!

None of this matters that much, except that I strive to have some reason to keep on going and to make decisions on things I believe in. Somehow this becomes, "Shit! I'm a crock/crook/c**ehead/c**ks***er!" This too is irrelevant. I thought that if I made anybody love me, then I would make somebody strong. Now it seems that I have made kindness and hope more or less alien. This is not at all my intention. Please, those of you who may have some interest in what goes on in the life and mind of another individual who has played some role in your emotional/intellectual/physical/spiritual self, realize that much change is happening that I believe means that I am on the verge of some degree of healing to the extent that I can be part of the social world that I could not maintain a place in.

Thus always doth a separate existence make attempts to hope.

Secondly, I am hoping also to be safe.

Thirdly, stress with my female progenitor is increasing due to some uptick in her debilities.

Fourthly, may joy and freedom be strong for you.

Reading this over, I realize I have not said much. I will never again be a third wheel. I will never make being strong an excuse for destroying other's peace. As you know, everything that gives one safety is also something that will bring happiness. A straw woman.



Julia M.

Keeping it Real

Since all this atrocity of apollo has made change suck, I say that you are kind and that you have made running too cruel to keep doing.

Every place that is safe brings me love.

Now, I hope you will believe that someone is dreaming of plastic.

Me a woman.

Love,

Julia.