Denial

Denial wasy when I started a relationship with Sylvia to avoid knowing myself as a roast fart -- someone past it in facing pain.

I wanted Ryan.  I babied him.

Now I am 14 years older.

An asshole that is a mess.

I made the safe thing become a painful change.

Now it's a way to ask why.

I did write something which was wordy.  I did make a rogue like my asshole (LOL).

Ready to love a friend without making her an ill orchard.

I feel better when I try to be safe.

I entered women as a way to be a failure.

Torture, over and over.

A death is not wear a pain is. 
A pain is where my own raw mick draws laughter.

You are the people who give love.  You are the people who are strong.  Hassle is when omens make vampires.

I love my mother as she is.

I love my friends to be home.

I think they are.

I am wondering how to give up my own illness -- the fear of caves.
Lastly, a sucker always wants messes.

Happy Lent

Your lurking aphid,
Julia

Okay, that's okay.

My life has always been about identifying what is acceptable.

Usually the most acceptable person was DOD (Dear old Dad) and the least acceptable was MOM.

I believe that this utter creepiness comes from making myself a receptacle for a positive-negative polarity -- not the polarity itself but a receptacle for and a monitor of it.

This is right.  That is wrong.

My therapist and my family and my psychiatrist all seem to need to reinforce this view of the world.  I would rather be happy which requires for me that I believe in myself.

I said that change is for the fools; (never said it but that's what is there) now I know I must like my own reasons for being peaceful.  I need reasons because I am a bitch. 

First reason:  Apples are beautiful.
Second reason:  Dreams are strong.
Third reason:  I can like life for its feeling.

Note:  I used always to bury apples when I was finished eating them so that an apple tree would grow.  I was eight.

Note:  My dreams are strong.

Note:  The feeling of life is need for a face that is teaching love.  Love is where being is life.

I gave a lot of peace by dreaming of a nap.  Naps in kindergarten are when the torture of other kids' dislike turns into freedom to sleep.

Passion begins with peace.  Let it go where it needs to be.  (People are beautiful)  I like rain.

Community and the mentally ill poet.

T.S. Eliot claims that only the mad write
without having the intention of being read and understood.

Pig glycerin drugs stem pin amp orgasm grin test lint reason

Ledger Wedger

Err winningly:  your money resembles ogres.
As always, that which is a friend gives you many dreams.
I gave love to art.
This is what happened:
Oaken men with laughing trees nearby sang of life as dreams.  I naturally grieved the sensibility which I tried to maintain of happiness from its own generous distribution, i.e., the milk of human kindness as in Dickens.

These pains resemble the home I have created:  I give this strength a name.  It is pain without laughter.

Slamming the anger which believes in nerds is the same as being rude.

I am not the kindest angry strong life of maniacal grandeur.

When I communicate painlessly, the words mean only that I have been a change.

I must address the matter I return to.

I changed my own body via surgery in order to grieve etiologically the egg.

I never thought I was reasonable until no one said I was laughing.

I always laughed when I was young.

Eating what is good is not the same as being a working anime.

Keep on writing, Julia.

It is never the same as you wish.  That being said, you cannot be artistic without knowing that your words never are the same as you are to yourself.

I am many reasons for life.

I see them on the back of my typing hands -- especially the dull yellow light which emanates from them.

I creep myself out when I try to be aggressive.

Hounds /  Tossing Change / Dealing Patience / Resting poems.

Lank but safe.
Bulging with fat and unsafe.

I remember keeping myself (o drunk) (ode) (less than) in order to be happy with my entrances.

I was a road to mashing papers with a name.

Happy oaken men may now carry on with their task of chopping wood and carrying water.  This part of life is anything which is lacking danger.

I swore off being dangerous.   I resemble a flea with many reasons for a paw.

Redwood City

Atherton, California is a place of ?? (haven't been there in about 30 years).

Atherton may be next to Redwood City where my cousin Meralyn lived with her husband
   and son Peter 30 years ago.  I thought I was quite the intellectual -- I liked books they did not have or talk about -- and I told them so
   on my ride back home. 

Peter was a blonde 25 year old Pepperdine college student.

My best friend from high school is now a deacon.

Little does he know I felt him up on a band trip.

After this, go to your topping of chocolate or nuts or sprinkles and say to yourself, "MM, Good."

Japanese Reader

Elements of myself:


Mirrors
Plastic
Rain
Tests
Peace

Words are beautiful.

In Graves

Immolating dreams become a language
Which captures bronze, silver and gold
Worlds emanating from old Gods.

You begin with fires which whisper
The oak of raw memory
As witches speak of perfect peace.

Thereafter you set out for places where
Names trace marvels of white trunk,
green leaf, red berry and brown root.

Our minds spin as you guide us
Through the calamities and triumphs
Of spheres sparked in blood and fire.

We become free, even as Tantalus
Or Sisyphus, to tread paths
Prometheus had humbly to seek.

Together, position and negation
Are your lore, gathering laughter,
Creating hope, a tune pitched

To love of Her peace.

Harmonious Life

Empire of Light

Hanseatic merchants
Blow their clouds

Over and above
The Channel slowly.

Maps fogged with
Pain.

Compression dictates the
Nature of that which is possible.



A Star Trek verse:

Grind Out the Measure

Tilting at warp speed
Through a universe of

Dark stars,

I answer the needs of
Many

With my cries for
Uhuru.




Latitudes

Ocala and Scottsdale
Tahoe and Newport

Invalid treats each unit
As does her mortal

Kindness:  Here be
Alchemies.




You

I and that longbow chap
With leather doublet

Are flowering here
As targets of my

Instigation.





Looks of Pluralism

State actors brush themselves with
The tests they conceive.

For anyone with an ethic of plenty,
There are apples with Orpheus' urgency

To greet.

Bugs Bunny

I used to like the bugs bunny cartoons where he tries to escape Elmer Fudd by crawling into a log ahead of Elmer, and then going back to the beginning ?? and saying, "What's up, Doc?" and scaring Elmer into saying, "Dirty Rabbit."

I belong to my laughter.

Indecipherability!

Today is the day the Pope announced he will resign.

I do not know why there is so little interest in being good when I can't even drive!

Today is a good day.  I wrote in the place I sometimes write.

Tattoos:  happiness?

Is being outmoded a choice?

I watched part of the Grammys and didn't like or at least didn't know some of the performers.  I liked the winner of best new artist.  I love his video where he looks painted into a wall.  I am familiar with that.  I also loved the tribute to the member of The Band with Elton John, Mavis Staples and others.  A great song to play.

I'm only sorry they didn't do more for Dave Brubeck.

A mature hemp

Pot

My marijuana is growing now

In a forest
In a field
By a lake
Near a beach

In my mind
For my calm

As an inspiration]


As new light

Dearly brought forth
Patiently neatly bagged

For the bouquet
For the taste

For the high.





As seldom as now

Impulsive rot saps the gifts that were here.
I need to live for another being.

Sexuality kindly give me strength,.

Money is a way to think of belief as
[erased word:  bone]
[erased word:  peace]
[erased thought:  mark]

More or less nature is
A lot of more or less nature.

I scan this world for marks and find
ents that are what anger me

Because I am a feeling of brass.

Not brass.





Erin

Laughter positive marcy
Argument words injury

Change likes asshole
Drug is messy

I write a loud meth
I work for my peace

Detail:
Embers with needs be peace.

I am not arrested.
I am locked in my race.

The key is in the poem.

A-musical verses or, no-tone poems.

Hello.

I am working this table, that has my computer on it.

The table sits facing a wall of shelves and file cabinets, a broken TV, several bags of unorganized papers, many odds and ends, including a "Hooters" license plate.

Deriving myself from my ownership of possessions and emotions and fragments of thought and being within an overweight body ... hmm... why bother continuing this sentence?

Direction and purpose are the qualities I am supposed to instill in myself from what I can gather from my conversations with the keepers of my psyche. 

Being brings its own imperatives.  The sacred presence does not require or demand goals, only adherence to her peace.

I am mostly trying to say that I still am worried whether I have the only laughter.

Can there be another to share myself with, who is not afraid to let go of empire?

Okay, I don't know what to write.  I only know that I have been aware that many people are trying to make their own lives and that I may or may not be a part of that.  I also would like to do something exceptional ... beyond my given abilities.  I long to interest myself and the world around me in the flow of beauty that I detect in and around me.  If only I could bring up the Goddess in a way that does not demean either me or her or others.

Lastly, when you know that there is passion for life, you meet it together with your own peace, and you remember love that has brought you where you are, and you are grateful for it.

I know where I am.  I know it is love that is a poem.

What is your will, O Goddess?

I will for you that you take your mother where she is and believe that life is for change and that the dreams you have are there to carry you where you need to be.

Awesome.

Lantern is leaping to possibilities.

What I need

Feelings.  Beauty.  Freedom.  Hope.  Peace.

Language is like memory

Effort to improvise with the patience of my dreams

I like orchards and I like being free.

Death is boring:  as I changed I made a poem.

Needing ranting to be hopeful, I gave a way for myself to like a martyr.

Same where it is loop(ed).

I created nothing except what is needed to be moosey.

Crack, reason, many seams.

I wrote money to be what it is.  I wrote money to be a rich lake.

Cousins were money.  I did not ache.  I was my own loser.



Kisses and Hugs to the woman that was my openness.

Life is not working through material.  Beauty is not method.


I ask that there be a womanly good person with love and matches.

MGN

I didn't know what I thought of the every change clap.
I tossed myself weird needs.

Crap was my life.
And now I am a moment of hustling rents.

Need was to be a fiend for needs of life.

Felicia, Randy, Barbie.
Barbara F., Love.

I taught a moment which was being great to read.



STA

I was riding a big rat
I was holding a large vamp

Tacky witches holding pat
I ran to a road without my champ

Clawing up the mistaken hill
Slapping around a lantern's gill.



STAR

Guilt ridden word given a place
As neighbors cruised a flaming  ace.

Sylvia spoke and I reasoned
Writing is good and terribly seasoned.

Wash your money in memory's flame
I ground ed war as plowman's shame.

This need for light as famous woman
I give to man as my own gammon



MCC

Ignorance and woe were awful to be
A fading will wrote the laughter

I cracked myself wanting to see
Mapping a raven with nesting grafter



Uplift

Dense and rich with life in its crows
Mapping round dreams' moments' roach

Working a lamp store gives you foes
Renting a drink for zorro's approach


Hospitals

Ogres with metal pieces and clay
Weathering lives that needed to play

Answers of clay worked out in a star
I couldn't bear woman so I'm a car



Writing

Interesting always that I am wistful
To place myself in a maze of thistle.

I Wrote These Words

Fleming Gamebird

Lantern effusive clay
Mania blossoming opacity

Rogue legging peals
Darkness roses fester

Softer women open
Decency rests pale



A conceit

Attorney Reputation Values
Claims Deals Popes

Rensselaer mother makes
Life rest pandering

Moment wishes look
Raymond gold face




Dream of Moment

Cash loss teaches
Cases reason change
Manfred Goes Stink

I weird class
Queer peace mess
Glottis grieve Moss

Dash into Raymond
Whence Laughter Clasps
Hope many like





Partial Intuition

You rich laughter
Capital on mess
Dean with money

I work for
Being nuts sensibly
Lame raises free

Dance with men
Ask for rinse
Death to fake




Violence

Reading with noone
At hand Laughing
Raymond dries Love

I give my
Taste to flame
For The Keys

Lash Poet Sample
Raise Dream Cruel
Look Where Pampas




Ho

I work laps
Uncle Martin Lance
Came in dream

Hippie Roses death
Take many oval
Plows for bosses

I do grieve
Orchards of Purses
Openness destiny lint





Happy words let go of many scamps
I row for a lot of creativity

Which necessity shall there create Mack?





You got it:  I crack what is art and
Find english book.

 

Intsy Wintsy Jintsy Poo

Sometimes -- such as now -- I feel like the way to my being is covered in sandpaper of the roughest sort. 

Cuffing myself, taking myself by the ear, washing my mouth out with soap, go against the grain and lead not to more and better self-expression, but more recalcitrant feelings.  I'll leave this "discussion" to another time.

I wish to say, instead, that I am relieved to know that my readers have taken an interest in my mother's well-being.

I promised myself I would not write about her.  I suppose that I need to take stock of the present now, and not analyze everything through its effect on me.  That is why I am going to converse with one or two of you today.  I need "clarity and perspective."  I need ANSWERS, Spock/Bones/Scotty.

Right now her back hurts and I am leery of her taking too much tylenol as that can cause liver damage.

I'm going to urge her to go to the hospital emergency room so they can give her a better prescription.

A year or so ago they gave her hydrocodone and a muscle relaxer, neither of which really relieved her pain, she said, though she persisted in taking them.  They diagnosed her as having arthritis, so there really isn't much they can do.  Times of more intense pain have been sporadic until now, though she says it always hurts, when she moves in particular.

Maybe acupuncture would help.  I'm ready for any suggestions.

Since there isn't much to say other than I am trying to make sense of what is happening, which doesn't help much, I will stop right here.

Blessed Imbolg.

Don't call, Julia

Today I am not hopeful.