Kinship

My feelings about the state of Arizona.

I like feelings and feel that a way to be happy is to like the mess that I feel.

Heifers fuck
Julia cries

Testing is not good.

I have to stop pretending that I am a whore.

Patience and happiness keep me alone.

I must tell you that fucking Goddess says fuck stupidity.

Hate cancels pain.
Freedom is a little man copying hate.

I want to make happiness and be home.

As I have said, dot, boys free Goddess and let her be .

Make it or find failure.

Goddess is pain of her .

I was wrong; hay does feel like cock sucking.

Take it and be famous and that’s living.

I hope that no one makes stupidity.

A cunt says me be loving and the law is trash.

I am Julia trying to be paid.

No love is as tense as home and women.

Home is feelings.

I am stuck.

Tell this grown failure : Shit is not pain; anger is not God; make anger the poem.

I am poison.

Make ass be flue.

Repeal the law.

Kinship

Kinship

My feelings about the state of Arizona.

I like feelings and feel that a way to be happy is to like the mess that I feel.

Heifers fuck
Julia cries

Testing is not good.

I have to stop pretending that I am a whore.

Patience and happiness keep me alone.

I must tell you that fucking Goddess says fuck stupidity.

Hate cancels pain.
Freedom is a little man copying hate.

I want to make happiness and be home.

As I have said, dot, boys free Goddess and let her be .

Make it or find failure.

Goddess is pain of her .

I was wrong; hay does feel like cock sucking.

Take it and be famous and that’s living.

I hope that no one makes stupidity.

A cunt says me be loving and the law is trash.

I am Julia trying to be paid.

No love is as tense as home and women.

Home is feelings.

I am stuck.

Tell this grown failure : Shit is not pain; anger is not God; make anger the poem.

I am poison.

Make ass be flue.

Repeal the law.

Kinship

Greetings

Howdy, Ladies, Germs and otherwise!

Just wanted to say that I am this moment in a good mood.

Be happy.

Yours,

c*

Gay Day

I haven't reviewed these in a long time; however, I suspect they are becoming ever more circular and repetitive. In order to cut to the chase and make this a nicer read for everyone, I will simply say that:

hey, love is the way.

Cancel.

Goddess loves strength and life.

A president can make love and love it.

Let it be, I am saying everything and being a woman.

Thank you.

Love, c*

Much better, thank you

I spend fifteen years putting myself down to hide that I am not like my friends, and what do I get? Kind and gentle writing such as below. I am glad I have learned much; now I choose to live without self-destructive filters. It just takes a little happiness.

I am hopeful.

I love you.

Love to all, even you and me.

I am a bitch -- a reinforcement

I am making a feebleness of myself by not writing what I need. Instead of direct expression of my feelings and observations, there is tension, sadness, muffled and broken urges to act or communicate strongly and decisively.

Change is the means that fate uses to distinguish its friends from its opponents. In other words, those who fight change are also fighting fate. I have not only to accede to change but allow it to make of me what it will. Change will either make of my inertia a residual burnt detritus or I will ally myself with its force and bring into the world something that must be new to be better.

Change cries out to me, say what is in you. I know that pain is only the surface covering of its energy.

What is in me?

There are strong feelings: [How to link the strong, the free, the happy and the good within and without me.]

Whenever fear engulfs me with its tension and its destruction I can only spend the love I have on making it into a way to know that hell for me is only the feeling of being a nonentity, a “nothing.”

A little bit of information may instruct the reader in what I am saying about myself and the world I live in.

For everyone that I know who has given me love and succor (not sucker, THOUGH THAT AS WELL) I have made obstacles and inapposite analyses, reactions, and emotional and physical relationships with me.

By that abstruse writing I mean that the Goddess has seemed to make my life into a way of feeling like a drug addict. It has all been a long and frustrating and wasteful enterprise.

This means that fairness and justice in all their attractive and hopeful sway of so many becomes only one more way to know that the way I have made for myself is only a test. What may I have done with all the lovely material of life? I have made it an opaqueness that at this moment drives me to assert that feelings of kindness and affection must be the prime mover (primum mobile?) of any attempt to give respect to oneself or others. Absent kindness and affection, every attempt to bring change will end collapsed in a mockery, a very horrible parody of ineffective will and lack of regard for what human beings must have to know themselves as one with their siblings and the universe that has brought them forth.

I have known myself to be one who wishes to be remembered, but who does not have the strength it takes to deserve praise for my life. In fact I believe that for my actions I deserve to die.

The only facts that I can adduce for this conclusion are that I have used transgendered women, then abandoning them to lives of needless powerlessness, and arrogating myself above them. This makes me a danger to others’ survival, which means that I must face my demise with dreadful acceptance of its deservedness.

What is it about me that has brought this about?

It has been cowardice, it has been misrepresentation, it has been hate and prejudice.

Thanks to a belated knowledge of the preeminence of humane actions over adherence to some set of either traditional or newly emerging conservative norms around gender, I have to be, for myself, a witness to a useless self-development without regard for the well-being of others (usually).

I must embrace myself, though be it that I am a target of my own tensions. People need to know that my way of doing my life was for itself, seemingly rational given the way I am, that is to say, abusive.

It is not possible to suppress being abusive. One can only face the destruction one wreaks and ascribe it to it some level of human imperfection that does not change the results of one’s actions.

Clearly, there is much that I have done that I deceived myself into thinking was for the betterment of myself and others.

For instance, I actually thought that political definitions of love and gender were rational and not a way to disguise an abusive nature.

I treated myself and others as bearers of an imperative to make power and the hunger for power the center of the transgendered woman’s existence. Sounds funny in retrospect!!!!

I feel that simply said I am a bitch.

Know that fairness and equity are within the very nature of the universe; all that is done will come to light and face judgment by the Goddess’ ut most kindness. Those who have not acted kindly will have constructed their own punishment within themselves or in their environs. I am a loser, crackhead, stuck up and terrible person who has probably not ever known for myself what love is or honestly given it to another.

That is why my fate is not of interest.

Enjoy.

Friendly? I've always been friendly

Friendly? I’ve always been friendly.

Foaming and friendliness
Many lives have pain.

A foolishness that sucks femininity into the stark woman;
Another fuck, another client, another lie.

Set the turns of the mighty bitch to feeling.

A bad home is for bad lives.

My anger is that crack made life a woman’s home.

I will never sense the sexiness of messiness.

See?

Western pain is like a cry of a parson.

It means that guys tend to make you come.

Another way to say this is that

Me person fool coming to failure;
Me lover love home.

As you sow, so shall you reap.

Life called, I made fun.




Why live for darkness?

Attempting to be perfect has led me to a great anger against myself and the world.

I must shake off the impression that anybody in my life has been better than me or that I have been better than them.

Please let the feelings that you have about love be something sustainable and sustaining, not an idealization as per the Christian version of God.

Strength means taking care of yourself.

Belief means being happy.

Today

I hope that today will be a day in which we're all kind to everyone else as the hummingbird outside the library window is beautiful.

Today is good, and tomorrow is the way it needs to be.

Love forever,

c*

Don't suppress your feelings

Someone to give me pleasure: that’s what I’m looking for.

Despite having arrived at the conclusion that I am not a bitch, a bigot or a whore but a fool, I am sure that not only is it possible for me to find someone to give me pleasure but it is desirable for me and further that I am worth being able to receive pleasure.

I hope that you all are happy about this.

Next.

My travails with the mental health system.

Now, it is very easy to blame doctors and therapists for their insensitivity and cruelty and blatant attempts to force conformity on people. Even in retrospect I must say that particularly the latter act have mental health professionals perpetrated on me. But sometimes there is an awareness that one can be so difficult with oneself in a way that leads not to a better world or a better person but only to self-destruction. In other words, there are people who are compassionate and intelligent as much as if not more than their patients in these occupations.

I know there is a limit on how compassionate such people can be, however, since it is becoming obvious to me that I am at least potentially one of them and I have limits to my compassion. I believe that if I follow the road of listening to myself that I will find an answer to this quandary. I am able to be hopeful; I am able to be kind; I am able to be a good person.

Think about what psychiatry does: It brings people into a segregated setting with no ability to fend for themselves other than through obedience to the people in charge. It treats individuals’ problems through a combination of finding fault with individual responses to social situations (the hospital situation as well as the larger world) and mood-altering drugs. It makes people aware of their powerlessness and makes them treat themselves with hatred.

Now that contradicts much of what I said above. How can both set of facts be true? On the one hand a setting in which people in need of help find help and on the other one in which powerless people are forced to consent to their powerlessness.

The answer as far as I can tell is that life is a way to be nice to yourself.

The mental health providers may be afraid to ask themselves how to be people and the consumers may feel no place to give their freedom to a world running away from it.

Lastly, feelings give love to everyone.

Don’t suppress your feelings.