I just want to be good

Today is the only period of time in which I can possibly live.

I have learned that my life collapsed in part because I didn't feel I could say to my friends 15 or 18 years ago the above sentence (the title of this post).  And then say "I love you" and mean it.  This goes back to a trip to Paddy Mountain in July, 1999, when Marilyn, frustrated with me, told me that I in fact did love the other people on the trip, who I believe included Sylvia, Rusty, Chelsea, Jamie and ???   I think I just was afraid to make changes that would be strong enough to let things get better.  I thought it would be "stupid" to show confusion, vulnerability, anger or humanity -- queer humanity.  Now I'm 48 YEARS OLD!


Density makes life very cruel.

I apologize to those for whom I am not cared.  That means you.

It hurt to be a vulture.

There are people who have made these times more bearable than they would have been otherwise.  Thank you.


When there's love, and freedom, there's also peace.

I know this all sounds sappy, but that's what's there to say.  Today.

Be strong.

Yours,

Julia