Dealing Drugs as a Hustle

You probably think I'm going to incriminate myself with a description of my illegal activities in this field. Actually I have never actually sold drugs. I once transported an ounce of pot across state lines, and I've given away plenty of other substances, but that's not the same as actually selling.

There's no happiness that you can find that is as free as being a woman. In fact, there is no incentive at all in the world that induces anyone to be one. Mostly, there's simply a lot of violence, contempt and mistreatment to encounter.

Not being a man might get you as far as declaring yourself to be a woman and to act like one, but it can't make you know what is freedom. Freedom is not feeling good, it's being a person. That's the most expansive definition I can think of: your personality emerges from you and is empowering in that it gives you the inner resources that protect personality and self from destruction without being enslaved to hate or to the need to tear down others to build up yourself. I think that's only freedom to live, to give, to be, to see, to love and to share.

In other words, freedom is knowledge that fairness and creativity are strong.

I think I'm writing a definition of myself rather than everyone else, which is exactly what being free leads you to. If you can listen then you are happy.

And -- happiness is sexy.

Marching To Muse

What does it matter if there is no good?

What are the limits to desire?

How does change, unbroken and incessant, produce happiness?

How can one overcome arrogance with humility and consideration WITHOUT being a doormat for everyone else?

When is community the determining value, and when is individuality? What is the source of the split between the two and how may we rejoin them?

I think a lot of these questions proceed from not being active with anyone or anything except my mental condition(s) and my relationship with my mother.



Writing about these subjects makes me question why I bother. I don't believe that being paid is my motivation.

I don't know what treating myself like I'm stupid is going to help. I go to this remark simply because it seems like no one that has change as a value is interested in basing themselves in the intricate and obscure sources of the human condition. It seems that most people who ARE trying to understand what it is to be human also like to lecture that nothing can or should change when in fact there is nothing but change. It seems also that most people who are interested in change would prefer to forget that human beings often have little or no contact with what makes even themselves tick. There are so many yearnings that can sweep people along and leave them unsatisfied, disappointed, or even destroyed.

Seeking justice through change is a very tricky undertaking. Usually to achieve justice people set up rigid and merciless structures to crush their opponents or to achieve political dominance by taking on the face of vindication of the rights of some to punish those who have done them wrong.

We are back to what is good?

If, as I have been claiming elsewhere that happiness is good then how is it that those who purport to bring happiness are often the most ruthless, destructive or self-destructive people?

How has the constitutionally approved pursuit of happiness in this country led to despair, separation and instability for so many?

In part one needs historical answers which I think relate to the continued presence of social inequality, which I can only make some sparse comments about given that I am not a member of either of the two great contending classes but rather a marginalized person with an unusual set of dispositions.

Those who seek "Lasting" change must acknowledge firstly that everyone who is involved, which means everyone, is a human being with an interior, an exterior, a past, present and future.

To my mind the easiest way to proceed is to also bring cruelty out into the open,not by name-calling but by giving it love until it collapses of its own accord. I believe this works partially with me. Secondly there is the fact that no one can escape ultimate scrutiny for the very fact that the universe consists of parts which make up a whole and those parts leave definite traces on the whole and on other parts. People who try to get away with harming others think nothing is watching when in fact the whole universe is a living consciousness in which the supposedly hidden oftentimes is more obvious than all the surface presentations that one or more may care to make of themselves.

I love people loving change.

I just don't believe that change is free.

If it were, then it would have happened already.

Speaking of possibilities of NONlinear time, I ask to like home for its freedom.

Maybe home can be freely provided even if change cannot, at least the kind that leads to human happiness.

Confusion, bewilderment, recognition, that this is not all about us humans. How did I forget that?

Thence to: dresses. Why did I like them so much, and why can't I wear them now?

aberrant

testing a frame -- cash now -- need ohhhh

a frame -- God -- testing -- love stars another

client -- pace -- one says two trains call


A mother is sharing drugs with oh mother is sexy

palm -- anger -- tense with feeling -- tart

Blaming yourself is dark but foolish.


Coal anger is no one's test -- anger -- coal

Buttress the same knowledge: you have paid dollars to feel

Anger is no one's pain -- pain -- pain -- force








Written after a dip into postmodernist poetry (Poems for the Millennium, Vol. 2)

Gotta write

Intentions:

Amorous poems

Surrendering failures

Justice

Hope

Knowledge

Killing pain for dreams

Sexy pagans offering drums

Another calling -- start living as yes.

Dealing friendships to feel necessary

Anchor the love: Pain causes life as plot.

I have said that when there was good that it pained me. I thought that maybe gracious and creative knowledge was loving. As I have made hopes, so I have found happiness.

When there's a little bit of love, there's suffering as test.

I want to love and that's the feeling.




Embraceable ewe (hehe)

A land where money calls free
A land where frosting is her

I am dealing charges.
Cold for blame.




Metropolitan Gender Network

I caused a name to glove.
I prized the treasures that were hopeful.

Give me tests.

I angered a woman's prominently made drive.

She lived to have.

Money caused woman as plight.

Another place to go.





Restraint

Bargains that are me.

I can tell you that I wanted sex for Goddesses. I thought I was the good person who would provide darkness as life.

I thought I loved somebody who was nice.

I thought I loved somebody who lived to mess life.

I now am a ham.



Why so cryptic?

Descent into drugs made listening a fuck.

I told my self to feel. I told myself to give. I told my drag friends that I happened to fly.

Seek wisdom and mothers.

I shit because I am a way for love to play.



My dear readers,

Interesting feelings of martyrdom. I tamed one lover. I made one crew. I made one sheer angel.

If you want to give a woolen poem, then say, "Change."

An underhanded, foolish statement of the nature of reality in relation to me...


Sexy ford, nard, a goddess.

Lamp, a money, boss.

Big straw is free.

You see, when I try to focus on my verbal perceptions -- those words that emerge when I think of the emotions, spirit, conditions that emanate from me when in contact with certain other realities, there is only :

Glowing points that freed are strong and bright.

I sexualize anger.

That's what gives me strength, and what keeps me from knowing my limits, the limits of others, as well as freezes me in an ever repeating set of responses and reactions.

I love maybes. I love hostesses. I am forever trying to externalize what is honest within me so as to be on a firm footing with myself and others. However, I am so fragemented and rudimentary a personality, at least as far as I have been able to reach, that I communicate very little, but leave phrases and words that have as their only commonality, their setting within the pudding of my personality.

How do you want me to say this?

Being loving feels like pain.

I am strong enough to know that this may be because of all the pain I have caused. I really don't want to torture myself any further than that.

A curious, eager, hopeful, beneficial, selective presence is what I must release into her own life. She did not keep me from the world of money. It simply is not my nature to seek financial gain or to have the personality that sustains it.

If you want to know, I told people that I am good for happiness. HIgh school is over for me at last.

Being truthful is painful therefore I will let it rest...

American clod

s r a f
l r a g


Can you treat your
cough?

And like
money causes s

d

caosts.

Motheer is painful

A Goddess ssays teth.

Stay loving

Money shares

Nothing.

Anger is to feel but hate is to beth
mom is life.

Cars say love is pain.

I was no one.

I am someone.

I am during freedom.

Cold.

Money.

Stars.

Clients.

Suffering.

Clients.

I made murder cold.

It's not good to make your feelings painful.

I am sucking tether.





A nothing

Sexuality calmed me.
I flow with pain.

Anger is no one.

I say freedom is tough.

Gold is no one.

I am probably free.

Teth.

Sexuality.

Money.

Clive.




Beth.

A rose is a rose is a rose.

Need for suffering is no one's call.

Need for babies is dealing bosses.



I am no one.

I am free.

I am called to strive.

No one needs striving.





Miss no one.

Far in the future,
A no one calls hope stuff.



I want to live.

I want to stray.

I have to live.

Stay yourself.




Babies like love.

I am trying to let go of poisons.

I am trying to deal home.





Amber calm.

No longer effusing

My therapist bought me.

I am calmed -- neutralized.

Honesty requires --

Why not let go of sex -- of my body?

Another way of saying (there's no hope?) happy.

I'm glad I like this because I don't need to be happy.

I'm hopeful as there's wisedom.

Pain.