I can't love myself if I'm afraid of myself. Mental "health" treatment is a continual, concerted and insidious effort to get people to internalize other people's fear and hatred of them for being, not more dangerous than others, but simply not dangerous in the same way or for the same reasons, and even oftentimes not dangerous at all but simply threatening by being different in thoughts, habits or mores. That's what began for me at Bellevue and continued for the next 12 years of 21 hospitalizations and ECT: an attempt to get me to fear and loathe myself. The automatic and probably intentional result of this "treatment" is isolation. If you don't like yourself no one else will either. Medicine-taking only increases the self-doubt and disconnection ruling one's self-consciousness, as do therapy and psychiatric "attention." The idea is to get you to accept life as going through the motions, because that is socially acceptable. The result would be to bring the entire apparatus of coercion, lies and rampant fear and anger that protects the insensitive and/or vicious people who run the apparatus to a halt. No more business, no more state, no more running around in circles,but simply living life as it is, with ALL its flaws and joys intact and whole.
I took my medicine today. I am viciously uncomfortable with myself. I wasn't always. And it wasn't me who started it.
Love,
me
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