Sound off, one-two

Crap like this is just to unload my mental cavities and me, which are, and is, full of it.

I don't know where to start. I create so much anger for myself by knowing that anything I turn to or do is within an intentional framework which has no or little sense to it. I do not know or understand why it is that I can't simply keep loving strength like it's happiness. There's a difference?

Secondly, you who read or may read these posts probably want not to know much about how my life feels. I can tell you that it is full of pain and frustration and now guilt. I can say now guilt because I have taken on the material sustenance level of a person who is NOT struggling to survive, which just goes to show that all those years I was presenting myself as "struggling," I was not, and that I was using people, everyone that I know. This means that there is not only no fuel for any fires I might want to set concerning "Justice," but that my life will devolve increasingly on petty, unimportant impulses and resentments stemming from a lack of groundedness, from emptiness, from judging others to protect me from their wrath, from a simultaneous wish to escape and to cling to what I have that together will make me pretty much a non-entity. I can only say that should I actually turn to alcohol or drugs at this point it will be for no good reason.

Lastly, I want to say that I am not very peaceful.

Please be good or not.