Today

Today I woke up at 2:00 a.m. (having gone to bed about 7:30 p.m.) and had a cup of coffee, guaranteeing that I would stay awake.

I really don't remember most of what was going through my mind, but it seemed vastly important and pivotal, at least to me, as usual. I think I watched CNN.

I know I started doing laundry about 5:00 in the morning.

Then about 7:00 I woke my mother so I could go for a walk (which I try to do twice a day -- 20 minutes). I went to the circle k convenience store and bought some coffee and some aspirin in case of cardiovascular breakage. The woman there asked me if I wanted "something else" referring to the fact that yesterday I bought a shot of E&J early. I decided not to have anything else. Yay!

I walked home, as usual consciously wondering how to conduct myself in public view. How were drivers reacting to me as they saw me. Other questions went around and around also.

By the time I returned home I was exhausted.

I did some television watching of the weather channel and Good Morning America off and on with my mother. I frequently checked my mail and wrote some emotional things to RW.

As the day went on, my mother and I got ready for her to take me to the pharmacy, where I was to pick up a new medication and a refill of an old one. The woman at the counter gave us two hours to wait, so we went to Radio Shack then Wal-mart where I bought a new phone having lost the charger to my old one, also a dress, also a soda for me and lunch for my mother.

By the time we got the drugs and returned home it was a quarter past two.

The dress looked good.

I had planned to wear it tonight to a mentally ill group but I didn't though I had promised someone I would be there. That's from a combination of impending rain and a spicy soup I ate that somehow changed my mood.

I've been having some chest twinges on and off since about 4:00. It's now about 6:30.

I've taken my last Ativan.

Tomorrow I begin generic Klonopin.

My roommate in the state hospital used to take Klonopin. She used to write down the name with the feminist fist sign replacing the "o"s . I hear she was there at least two years after I left. She was a really strong feminist, loved Bob Dylan, but was very demanding of energy from others. Sounds a little like my self-idealization with certain real-world modifications.

Antonia called, hasn't called back. Hmm.

Also spoke to John Walde from catskill. He may need intravenous iron. I also told him about Calvin, whom I believe may be dying.

Seems to be going around?

I'm really glad my mother and I are able to spend time together. I've managed to curb my often incredible degree of irritation at her fastidiousness. I hope I am able to maintain a relationship with her for a while.

There's reading to do, but I may just lie down.

See, I can write of the daily round.

Love to all,

c*mare a/k/a brigidjoy a/k/a you know.