Guy Fawkes' Day

Manliness - My counselor went to the University of Michigan social work school.  I only know that from seeing the diploma in his office yesterday.  He introduced me to a practice known as "tapping," which seems a promising sort of answer to the failings of the usual approaches to self-healing.  That is, one is supposed to invoke the Higher Power however you conceive h(im) and tap various parts of your body while asking that the Higher Power remove the sources of, consecutively, pain, guilt, trauma, etc. around this issue, the issue being in my case, my overweight.  I decided to refer to the Higher Power, half-humorously, as the Fabulous One.  My counselor liked that.

After having gone through all 12 iterations of this recitation I did indeed feel less tired and more relaxed which was apparently the goal of the exercise.  However I was feeling the seeds, asusual, of the disturbance resulting from being asked to "forgive myself" which I have found impossible to do.  Sadly I repeated the fact that I would forgive myself several times and in the final go-around did not exactly feel much better than I had started.  Perhaps this was also the purpose of the exercise.

Crookedness -  The TV started smoking last night after dust fell into it.  It turns out I needed only to turn off the power to the TV.  Before that it had been giving off an odor and making a rotating sound internal to it that my mother could not hear.  I called my brother.  I urged calling the fire department.  When the smoke started coming out, I cried, "I don't know what I'm doing," which I suppose was quite reassuring to my mother if not exactly news.  Still I credit myself with having prevented a fire for once instead of risking one which is the usual scenario.

Stupidity -- Woke up, got out of bed, (ran?) a towel across my head.

Rights -- I finally have some sort of better focus today than I have had in quite some time, having once again gone through all the disturbances that inhabit my mind that seem to prevent my taking pleasure from life or accomplishing anything in it.  I thought about my father, my mother, pain, anger, the reasons that I had said about Mexican immigrant rights that I had nothing to say about them, the needs for equality and peace, the nature of capitalism, my destiny, the various manifestations of mental illness and realized that I needed to say, possibly not necessarily on Facebook, that "there is no right to punish the Jews."  This I think is a better beginning for me in that it encompasses progressive and humane values and declares against collective punishment for all, which I believe is a prerequisite for accord.

Jewish Ostriches - Don't know what I mean.

Goodbye to All That - I have been reading Robert Graves' book entitled such and I believe it deserves to be made into a movie.  The facts of individual death in war, the cruelty of anger and stupidity, and the fruitlessness of making war are all present.  Also the inscrutability of war to the peaceful effeminate person I am.  Why any enthusiasm or accession to war?  Why NOT?

I am so pleased that I have been able to articulately delineate some of the events and thoughts of the past two days.  It is quite quiet here given that the TV is not working.  Perhaps that helps.  Also I am listening to WQXR.

As a founding person of the answer me quite slowly, the girl with Kaleidoscope eyes, I wonder whether anything strengthens pain without cruelty, let me just reason this ...  I do not know whether my own Goddess is loving.  I have to make myself receptive to trouble?  No, to life. 


Cemper Vidalis

Okay.  Now I feell thoughtful.  Warm greetings to my readers and friends.