It's about 1:15 a.m. here in beautiful Southeast Arizona.

My mother complained the other day that news reports on SB 1070 do not mention all the killings that have happened because of illegal immigrants.

The newspaper quoted some ranchers complaining that border-crossers had stolen their pears.

The New York Times quotes Terry Goddard, the Republican governor's Democratic opponent in this year's election as saying that violent crime is at its lowest level in Arizona since 1983.

How do I reconcile all these facts and points of view with each other?

First, let me confess that I do not know how politics works here except for what little I can glean from the newspapers. I know that people have said that Russell Pearce, the state legislator from Phoenix who for some is behind SB 1070, is beholden to the private prison industry as is Jan Brewer.

I do know that there appears to be endless fanaticism here concerning issues of individual freedom which always seem to mean the private right to commit aggression against unwanted others. I mean by this the laws allowing concealed weapons in, e.g., bars.

I can only report my own feelings and observations and hope they count for something in the eyes of my readers.

There is no doubt to me that the police and politicians made loads of hay from the single killing of a so-called well-known popular rancher named Robert Krentz this spring. There were constant quotes that people who don't live here don't understand the dangers of the border areas.

I live within ten to fifteen miles of the border and I have yet to face a threat by a single illegal immigrant. I don't even know whether I've even seen any.

Now from what I can tell it's not so much what illegal immigrants do that is the problem it's what they represent. They are an affront to law enforcement and their supporters. After all, they break the law. That makes it difficult for people to make the argument that one can a) never break the law without facing "the consequences", b) that drug and human smuggling is not the absolute evil coming from the Mexican people as is here portrayed, or c) make claim to the land as "their own."

This is what is most frightening: the breakdown of Anglo control over this part of the United States. There is fear that poor Mexicans will re-take the land and that Anglos will have to either face Mexican justice or leave.

My mother has an answer for this. She thinks that the government of Mexico ought to take care of its own people. She apparently has no sense of the background of Mexican poverty and its relationship to U.S. interests. I have a little bit better understanding (I believe). Because of the Mexican-American War of 165 years ago, there is a feeling among Mexicans that their country was unjustly truncated, their people dispossessed and their rightful place among nations undercut. This undercutting takes many forms: political, cultural and economic.

I pointed out to my mother that her stance leads to war with Mexico. She seems to have no problem with this. I believe that there is a kind of emotional military-legal nexus that she would call patriotism that is preventing her from understanding what is going on. She equates military "sacrifice" and the sanctity of law and its enforcers.

Now I have broken the law many times on purpose because at times I had to and at times I thought it convenient in order to get what I wanted. I can claim no virtue in this. But I do know from living in New York that the law as it stands is a basis for control of people of color.

This brings me to the most difficult part of writing about these matters. What are my beliefs, feelings and attitudes, and what will I do about them?

Last night I read some of the founding documents of the Chican@ student movement Mecha. It appears that they do not play the race card, that they believe that anyone can develop an indigenous Chican@ mentality. This is the opposite of the way conservative commentators portray such movements for national self-determination. So I know that the conservatives are fear-mongering. But can I in all honesty describe myself as having an indigenous heritage here in this part of the world or do I belong elsewhere? I value European culture, its art , literature, philosophy and religion to a great extent. Can I simply forget that? Is there any reason to abandon some aspects of my background and allegiances in order to make peace? Do the people whose land this may very well be need me to do so in order to make peace with me?

I do not believe that there is a simple answer because though I am not a dyed in the wool racist (thinking others are necessarily inferior to me), I have at some times treated people differently on the basis of their skin color, whether better or worse. This means that I very much need to grow in the ability to accommodate the realities, emotions and beliefs of others. I think that having made a "transition" that challenged my sexism may help me in this. There is no simple answer because the answer really depends on the unknown: my ability to change, to adjust, to acknowledge the humanity of others. I know for a fact that I can but do I do so enough to warrant my "switching sides" as it were and calling for a new indigenous nation in this part of the U.S.? I do not believe the Mexican government is a more just state, though it has less power. I do not believe that the ambitions of drug traffickers to form a "narco - state" is one to which I subscribe. But I do believe that I can communicate enough with people of different backgrounds to negotiate my way to a new understanding. Perhaps I will, as I've had intimations and intuitions of, have to be part of a nomadic tribe that has no permanent settlement because of the sins of my ancestors. Perhaps I will fight to protect my Chican@ neighbors even as I claim my own rights and culture.

Perhaps it's all too late to speculate.

I do not want or need others to be economically, culturally or politically inferior to me. I also like the Bill of Rights. Maybe the answer for me is to assert my individual freedom and interests without reference to the race that others expect from me.

I am friendly. I am hopeful. I am terrified.


Since I have said these things, I hope you will know that the Goddess will bring about Justice according to her will. I believe I deserve love and will have it.

Viva Aztlan! Viva Mexico! Viva America! (without borders)