After many long years of holding that it is unseemly to let others know that you are giving to them, I have decided that it is okay to do so. The alternative is an isolation that amounts to a living death, and if anyone has had to live that way because of my judgment I am profoundly sorry.
I wish I knew how to write.
I'm having a test today of my heart. It turns out the tread mill test that I took last spring shows that my heart is not completely normal. Apparently my former cardiologist failed to notice that or at least failed to notify me of that. So today I have to receive via IV some radioactive isotopes and chemicals that are to stress my heart and show any possible blockages, etc. As you might imagine I am not happy about this. The test will take three hours.
I think I have equated having feelings with being dirty. This may have some relationship to why I did crack, possibly shortening my life by many decades, instead of caring for friends and family. I don't know. Probably I am trying to strengthen myself by doing what I like. It's not working.
With all the will in the world, I wish you and yours a very fulfilling, pleasurable day filled with laughter, beauty and love.
Adios,
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