So tired

Why, those of you who care in the least about me and who know me well, whose number is very few, may ask, would I be cruel?

I believe that my ill treatment of others is due to anger. Now there are two questions following from this. What is beneath the anger? And why did anger lead to bad behavior.

The fact is that I am a hustler. I am a prostitute. I am foolish. I am dirty.

There is no understanding of cruelty when you are foolish. You simply are cruel.

I love knowing I can outdo others. I love making people know that.

There's strength in love. And I want to love myself. But I don't like having dreams where nothing is Julia's. I think that no one wants my goodness. What goodness? The money that I wanted to make is the only freedom that I have. So my freedom is illusory.

I despise myself for not having what I wanted. I despise others for wanting what I wanted to believe I could have.

Maybe I can let others in. That would mean knowing that everybody is free. I am free.


I am trying to create hope. It's not the way I feel that is making me do this. It is my way of loving life.

You probably don't want to read any more of this. I don't blame you.

So here's something else. I prefer to live like me. That is only possible where I am right now. I will never live like this again in all likelihood. Therefore you are welcome to either help me find somebody who will share my lack, or you can be a person who will do so.

Arrogance is only the feeling you get when money is making things better for you.

And arrogance is only foolish.

I will let you go now.

My creativity is only part of me. I caught life with my hopes. Now I only hope to keep breathing for a while. My thing is knowledge.

Maybe you will strongly be happy.